Starting over...

I tried really hard to title this post something different. 

I have been debating it all day. I wanted my fingers to type something like: "A fresh start" or "Unwavering" or even "Explosive trust and quiet resolve". That's a good one.

But they typed the truth- straight up. 

We are starting over. 

Ghana officially suspended their international adoption program on May 13. Smart people doubt that the suspension will be lifted...ever, i guess. I wish I could eloquently list all their reasons but to be honest I just dont know what they are. Some imply that it is to push internal reform and promote domestic adoption. Maybe. But then I ask, what about all the children who are sitting in orphanages today, waiting, while 'they' debate reform? Arent they concerned about what happens in the in between time?

I am upset. Angry actually. Once again, children are the pawns in a political game. 

I am sad. Is mourning too strong of a word? I feel like I have lost something, something that I was quite attached to: an idea, a picture in a my head, the child ive bought clothes for. A friend said that what I am feeling may be similar to what someone dealing with  a miscarriage may experience. Humans just attach to other humans, sometimes rather quickly, sometimes before they even meet each other. It's a fact.

So, where do we go from here? After talking through all of our options and really trying to figure out what God is doing here (and wishing we actually knew) we have decided to be added to the waiting list for Ethiopia. We will leave our dossier (that really big stack of paperwork) in Ghana in case things change and we will begin compiling a new dossier for Ethiopia.

We really never thought we would go there, for lots of reasons. We have felt so drawn to the west side of Africa. We know nothing about Ethiopia.

The facts are still the same though. It is a poor, war-torn, disease-ravaged country. There are many, many orphans. Because programs in Ethiopia have been "popular" there is a long waiting list (we are somewhere in the 50's I believe) but we are told there are few who are willing to consider an "older child" (over the age of 3) or a child with special needs (like HIV) or even sibling sets. So, that is exactly what we are open to. Maybe things will move quickly! Maybe they wont. 

Here's to the first step!!

~

 "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you"- John 14:18

~

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you"

 - James 1:27

A little somthin' about being stuck

Wow, its been a while... I find myself repeatedly saying "Ill write a blog post as soon as _______ (fill in the blank) happens because it will make for a great read". Then several weeks go by and something weird happens...i dont write ANYTHING. Not because things arent happening and changing or because I am not thinking things, my brain rarely stops (melatonin has become my friend!).

Chad and I recently went to see the film "Stuck".

Powerful.

Heartbreaking.

Enraging.

Emotionally draining.

Just a few words that describe the experience. If you havent seen it, PLEASE do. Its more than a movie, its a bright light shining on a very hidden social justice issue. The film is finishing up its international tour on the East coast this week and finally arriving in DC on Thursday to present 30,000 signatures (hopefully! (you signed it right?)) to congress followed by countless meetings with legislators and representatives wrapped up with a march on Capital Hill.

This movement is about changing the way the world does international adoption. As Chad and I have been in this journey we have learned SO much about what is happening (and not!) behind the scenes. The corruption, politics and red tape makes me physically sick because I know its at the cost of innocent children. 1 of which dies every 30 seconds from preventable causes. Ugh.

Over the last several weeks we have been getting bits of information here and there about the new Minister of Gender, Children and Social Protection in Ghana and her persuasion and impact on the processing of international adoptions.  We heard from one source that she advised a cease in adoption petitions being signed until major reform can take place and as a result many regional social welfare directors have halted all pending cases. Apparently she is a determined lady because word has it that she has already fired some of her staff for insubordination.  To be clear though, no laws have changed making international adoption illegal and furthermore, she doesn't have the legal authority to do so.

Now to be clear, I dont think that international adoption should be the only option for a child and reform IS needed. Badly! There should be many options available for each orphan and whichever one gets them out of an institution and into a safe, loving family the quickest should be pursued. But seriously...halting everything to reform the system literally means that many waiting children will have NO HOPE for a family. Every day that goes by, every year older a child turns, their chances of being adopted plummet. Its just the truth. The hard truth.

So here is where we beg for your help!

1. Continue to pray for orphans all over the world, for them to be safe and comforted and provided for. Pray for softened hearts for our leaders all over the world. What a heavy weight of power they hold.

2. Sign the petition. Join Chad and I in demanding change. We cannot be idle now. We will not be quiet.

3. Get involved. There are so many ways. One place to start is to watch the film (you can borrow it from us!). Then tell a friend about it. And make sure you both sign the petition! :)

He's Alive and I'm Forgiven!

"There is nothing to fear here. I know you're looking for Jesus, the One they nailed to the cross. He is not here. He was raised, just as He said. Come and look at the place where he was placed." 

Matthew 28:5-6

It is a beautiful day! Even though it's a bit cloudy and cold here is West Michigan we are reminded of the promise of spring. A fresh start.

 Christ took all of our sin to the cross, even the ones we haven't yet committed or aren't even aware of! All the sin of the past, present and future. How heavy it must have been... His sacrifice ensured that you and I could be covered by grace and be blameless before God.

Even though this is truly a day of joy I find that my heart is still so heavy.

For so many things. For so many people. For those around me who are experiencing unimaginable pain, those who are drifting without purpose, and especially for those who are alone. During this morning's service I found myself thinking about my little one. Wondering if he is alone. Praying that he hasn't given up on crying out because he thinks no one is coming. Hoping that every cell of his little body feels God's presence and protection.  Even though I long for him and pray for his safety constantly, I am comforted knowing that my God loves him even more. He is not my son, he is God's son. And there is no greater love.

So I am both overflowing with joy and ripping apart with pain. How do both exist together?

I guess that is what Christ promises his followers. Not that it would be easy or that we would not feel pain but that knowing the One Truth would give us hope. So that we can know that this world is only the beginning and that there is so much more to come. All the while, we are to engage in the brokenness, and live where injustice and darkness are bountiful.

I hold on to that hope. My joy is renewed with every reminder that the stone has been rolled away and the tomb is empty.

I know that my Redeemer lives!!!

The Great Wait Debate

I decided earlier today that I wanted to blog tonight. Then I got home, ate dinner, did the dishes and got tired. I have been battling a cold for what seems like eternity and I just didn't feel inspired. I didn't feel like writing.

So I read. A good friend recently gave me a copy of "Draw the Circle: The 40 Day Prayer Challenge"(Mark Batterson). I am a sucker for two things: a challenge and a good cause. The title of this book seemed to throw a little bit of both at me. The challenge for today was "Don't Pray Away". The quick and dirty is that we too often pray 'get me out' prayers, asking for our circumstances to change when sometimes we should be praying 'get me through' prayers and asking for change within ourselves. Hmmm. Surprisingly, this parallels something else that has been on my mind the last few days. Something that I have equally little discernment in.

How do you know when you are supposed to take a step in faith and 

when you are supposed to wait for God to make the way clear? 

I am afraid that too many people wait for too long for far too many things. If only 8% of the world's "Christians" adopted an orphan, the orphan crisis would be over...that statistic alone proves that we wait, process, doubt and over analyze ourselves to death. Literally. Sometimes I wonder if God is ever 'up there' screaming at us to JUST DO SOMETHING!!! I agree with Mr. Batterson that trying and missing is better than never trying at all.

On the other hand, my wonderful husband recently reminded me of the story of Abraham and Sarah and how they wanted a child so badly for soooo long that they took matters into their own hands by having Sarah's maid be the one to get pregnant. They veered off the path a bit and God still kept His promise and Sarah had a baby...it just came a little later and under slightly different circumstances. Then there are the infamous Israelites who wondered around in the dessert aimlessly for 40 years. Each time their faith got rattled they too took matters into their own hands and so they got to wonder around some more. I (like Batterson) don't want my shortsighted-ness to short-curciut God's perfect plan.

So this is the dilemma. All the waiting families were invited to a conference call on Tuesday with the staff who have just returned from an extended trip in Ghana. Overall, the message was positive. They made some new relationships with orphanage directors and strengthened old ones.  At the same time, there was a very clear message that things aren't progressing as quickly as they had hoped, the understanding and support of international adoption isn't as developed as they would like and the children who are currently waiting (that their single staff person in Ghana is aware of) are older or have special needs. This was all to emphasize their point that this is still going to be a long process...

So what does that mean for us? It could be days, it could be months before we get that phone call? Do we sit back and wait patiently, trusting that God's timing is always better than ours? OR do we step out in faith even further and employ some of our newly developed connections (that God gave us for a reason) to search for a waiting child on our own. Is God wanting to grow us by waiting or has His leading been clear enough? Either way I can be at peace. I just want to know.

I just don't know if my heart can break much more for the lonely little boy who is out there waiting for someone to come to him. Waiting for us.

What is the greatest need? Part 2

I have to start with an apology. I really didnt mean for there to be so much time between the last post and this one. I swear, this wasnt meant to be a cruel joke and I certainly hope no one was holding their breath waiting for part 2! :)

Ok, now that we have that covered...take a deep breath, because this is a long post :)

I have really gotten into blogging. Its like always have a new short story from your favorite author! Several weeks ago, I stumbled across a blog post titled "An Adoption Math Problem". It basically stated how imbalanced the demand is to the need.  UNICEF has reported that of the millions of orphans in the world, 95% are over the age of 5 or are considered special needs. She boldly called out those who say they want to "help", to balance this equation. Needless to say, I spent the next several hours scouring the internet for a contradictory statistic. There wasnt one.  It  is true.

Our dossier has been in Ghana since mid-October. Each month since then we have received a group email that includes a list of waiting families with the gender and age range they have selected. Reading it in January, it stood out to us more than before that the majority of families were waiting for something similar to us:  young children (under 5) and most likely healthy (although I am making some minor assumptions here). Something just didn't sit right. It didn't feel right. 

We realized that we had stopped asking the question. We had gotten comfortable and now we were on a slow-moving waiting list...one that we weren't sure necessarily needed us. So we scheduled a phone call with our caseworker and asked the question again. What is the greatest need? I think she was a little surprised but she patiently explained that 3 groups of children wait the longest, sometimes indefinitely. They are kids who are over the age of 5,  have sickle cell anemia, or who are HIV+. Hearing this information we began to explore, research, talk and pray through each one. What would it be like to go from just the two of us to being parents of an 8 year old...? How would a child with sickle cell fit into our fast paced, active lifestyle? Are we strong enough to raise a child who has HIV- the most stigmatized, discriminated, taboo disease in the world?

As we talked through these options, one began to stand out among the rest. It began to feel more uncomfortable and exactly right at the same time. Through casual conversation with other friends who are adopting from Ghana (and who in some ways, had planted the original seed about exploring adopting a child with HIV) we found out about projecthopeful.org. We poured over this website and many others absorbing as much information as we possibly could. The very next day, we were meeting these friends at Costco and they introduce us to another friend, who just 'happens' to work for Project Hopeful and has adopted 2 children from Africa, one of which is HIV+. The entire drive home Chad and I talked about how crazy the timing of this meeting was. No way was that a coincidence!!! 

A week later I was blown away again as I found myself at Friday's with a group of women, most of which I had never met, but who were all somewhere along the adoption journey. They talked opening and confidently about how God calls Christians to care for the "least of these" and how perfect a fit is an orphaned child who is dying of a incurable disease, in an impoverished country with little access to lifesaving resources. 

Fast forward a few weeks. We feel confident that God is calling us to broaden our "request" to include a little boy that may have HIV. While weeks and months have been passing since our dossier arrived in Ghana, God has been building up this support network all around us for purposes that we didnt even know yet!  We got the sense from our caseworker that things will move along quickly. And we are ready. 

The first two chapters of the book of James contain some of my favorite scriptures. Reading them again yesterday, the fear and uncertainty that creeps up every now and then was put back in its place as I was comforted in the promise that God is there when we call for help...and that the fullness of life is promised to those whose faith and works align. 

We are so excited to share as we learn more and move closer to bringing home the little guy that God choose for us, even before he was conceived! Please continue to pray with us and ask us questions. As a place to start, check out this totally rad video by Project Hopeful:

What is the greatest need? Part 1

When we began exploring adoption we knew right where we wanted to start. We had been asking around for years, taking inventory of which agencies had the most positive stories and the happiest "clients". Walking into the first information meeting we felt so confident in what we wanted (what we wanted...hmmm)  that we didnt even pick up the international program packet!

We stayed after the session was done and got in line to ask the director a few personal follow up questions. It seemed like we waited forever! A couple times I know I thought about just calling back later. I am so glad we stayed. When it was finally our turn, we stumbled through telling her a little bit about ourselves and then we asked THE question: What is the greatest need? 

We have asked this question multiple times over the last several months, truly believing that God was leading us to whatever was at the end of that question. We have been led to Africa, and then to Ghana, and then to a little boy.  All along the way the most amazing things have happened to confirm that this was God's plan all along.

But then when we stopped asking that question. Somehow we slowly slipped back into what we wanted and what we thought we could 'handle'.  Isn't it funny how being just a little bit more comfortable can change your focus?

It seems like at every point along this journey, just when things have gotten comfortable enough for us to take a deep breath and say "wow, ok, well...we never imagined that this is where we would be", God immediately pushes us just a little bit further outside of our comfort zone.

A series of recent events (most definitely not coincidences) caused us to trip over our very own comfort and fall face first back into that question: What is the greatest need? 

From one little boy to another...

Whoever first said "children should be seen and not heard"?

There are several of these kinds of old-school sayings out there that really bother me. Really...research the history and meaning of some of the things you say regularly and you might be quite surprised (i.e. "rule of thumb")!

Back to my point. My Pastor once said that youth are not our future generation but the current generation. Working with young people now for several years, we have come to realize their unique  insight, faith, perception of the world around them and understanding of what they need to be successful. The voices of youth are some of the most powerful and impactful that i have ever heard. The days of youth and children being minimized and unheard are beginning to come to a close. Adults can no longer say that children have nothing meaningful to contribute.

I know this to be a fact for about a hundred reasons, but one in particular. ;)

This young man:

Dylan (Chad's nephew) was asked in one of his classes to develop a unique community service project that he could do in his community. He decided on a project that had multiple benefits. He would clean up his neighborhood, promote recycling and raise money for our adoption- all at the same time.

He (and his parents) spent several afternoons cleaning up trash and cans from their local park and streets. From that, they sorted out what could be recycled and offered to pick up cans and scrap metal (that otherwise would end up in the landfill) from friends, family, neighbors and local businesses. He continued to promote this project long after his teacher had collected his work and given the grade. He proudly donated the $147 he raised to help bring our little guy home!

This young boy, 150 miles away, decided that he had something to contribute. That even he could make an impact on the life of a little boy he has never met...someone half way around the world.

Thank you Dylan! Thank you for allowing God to use you as an important piece of this adoption journey.