Meeting Little Guy

This past week, we were on the other side of the world. Fully engulfed in the Ghanaian culture that is both beautiful and heartbreaking (more on the many paradoxes in a future post).

We have been waiting for this day for so long. For at least the past 14 months, but in some ways, i think we have been waiting much longer...

Its was hard to really imagine what it would be like. How do you prepare to meet your 4 year old son for the first time? How do you guess what will feel different when your whole 6ish years of marriage, 12ish years of togetherness and 28ish years of existence have been kid-less? It certainly wasnt as glamorous as Jennifer Lopez portrayed in the movie What to Expect When you are Expecting!

I was shaking, nervous, caught off guard when they brought him in the office. They had tricked me by asking us to fill in our information in the guest book. When I looked up, he was standing there. Sleepy-eyed, confused, blank. But beyond beautiful.

The office where we first met

In Fante (the native language) he was told "this is you mom, this is your dad, go sit with them". That was the first he had heard of us. We might not all agree that it was the "best" way to be introduced but...it's just how its done. He immediately obeyed, walking over to stand in between us. But he was so distant, his eyes so far away. Protecting himself from what could be yet another unsafe situation, physically or emotionally.

For me it was beautiful. Even in the awkwardness and the not knowing what to do. I loved him immediately. His dark eyes, his yummy chocolate skin, his tiny hands. He is perfect to me.

Our first visit was about 2 hours long and it was amazing to watch him open up with us. He played soccer with us, he traced our hands on paper, he sat on our laps while we read a book. And then he finally spoke. He opened up a small, baby book and began following the numbers, counting to ten.  He has such an adorable African accent!

Our time together ended far too quickly. As soon as we said we had to leave, the little progress we made with him vanished. He was again the distant, cut off, protected little boy we saw 2 hours ago. He was very proud of his new belongings though! He quickly gathered them all up in his two little arms, struggling to hold it all: a soccer ball, a balloon and a box of sidewalk chalk. With it he proudly bounced off around the corner.

Three days later when we visited again he dropped his guard so much more quickly! In a matter of minutes he was exploring the new things we had brought him. Each time we unveiled something new out of the bag he would say "I like dees" (again, in the most adorable accent ever!). We blew up beach balls and lots of balloons. As he passed out candy to his friends, we got to see what a sweet and generous heart he has. We had brought him a granola bar assuming he was hungry (thats what a big round belly means, right?) but he only took a few bites before insisting on sharing with a smaller child. We experienced his enormous amount of energy and even got to watch him have a "bath" (aka. join in the assembly line of children being wiped down with a wet rag, lotioned up, and given a clean outfit). He told Chad he liked him and gave him an unsolicited hug.  When I stepped away to go to the bathroom, Chad swears he that he asked "where's ma"? I hope he did.

Then we gave him a brightly covered, soft photo book with six pictures of us from this past year. Before we even got to the second page he had grabbed it away, and was hugging it, laying his head on the cover. I cried a little. We tried to explain to him that he wasnt to share this. This book was only for him. The only linkage we would have while we all waited.

 Then it came time to leave. For real. It was so much harder than I could have ever prepared for. We said we had to go now. And he went cold again. After as much progress as we had made it broke my heart to see him disconnect. He grabbed his photo book and again began tucking his meager possessions under his arms. We hugged him, kissed him and told him we loved him, in English and Fante.

Then with every ounce of muscle I have, I forced my unwilling self to walk away. I cried. I cried again when we were waiting to board our plane out of Ghana, knowing we were soon to be half a world away. I am crying now as I type. I miss him. I am worried about his health and safety.

They day after we returned I read the following devotional:

"When things seem to be going all wrong, stop and affirm your trust in Me. Calmly bring these matters to Me and leave them in My capable hands. Then, simply do the next thing. Stay in touch with Me through thankful, trusting prayers, resting in My sovereign control". 

- Jesus Calling

I was reminded again (how many times do I need that reminder?) that He has brought us this far. He has written this story and knows the beginning and the end (Jeremiah 29:11-13) and he promises not to leave his children as orphans (John 14:8).

[Needs no title]

There arent words to describe right now. This moment. 12:17am, Monday, July 29, 2013. There is no title this post that would be good enough.

This is it.

And it's been a long day....

I dont type that hoping for sympathy, or even empathy. Just to state that if you find a few typos or a sentence that doesn't quite flow, maybe you can lend me some grace! :)

So here is the recap:
- Tuesday night: We got confirmation that we needed to be in Ghana for court that next week
- Wednesday- we met with our case worker, booked our flights and overnighted our VISA applications to the consulate
- Thursday- I canceled our flights because the plan sucked and we started over. We found awesome flights! Chad also put in his resignation at his current position (of 5+ years)! He is following God's leading and provision to move into a different position with the youth employment training program at Wedgwood. It provides an incredible amount of flexibility that will be awesome when little guy is home.
- Friday & Saturday- we had our fundraiser yard sale and it was awesome! We raised over $2500 in two days. Again, we met some amazing people, heard some touching adoption stories and received encouragement from several random strangers. First of all, God gets all the glory! For the timing of the sale with the financial cost of the tickets.  It really is amazing how He pulls things together. Second, we have a lot of people to thank...again... and again, there is truly is no sufficient way to express the gratitude we feel for our friends who made this happen. You know who you are and we hope you know how much you mean to us.
- Sunday- Ran more errands and packed. I think I feel ready. As ready as we can be, I guess...  I have had Chad check my bags several times since I usually forget something important.

We aren't convinced that the true, unbridled excitement has kicked in yet...mostly we have felt some eclectic mix of nerves, stress and excitement.

We have thought and talked through the hundred different ways meeting little Kweku could go... It literally shakes me on the inside to know that I will be meeting my son in a few days. It is unfathomable that in as soon as next Friday, I could legally be a parent....responsible for a little person...even if he is half a world away from me. It doesnt really matter, does it? People say that your parental instincts just kick in automatically. Mine seem to be in overdrive right about now. Blame it on the lack of sleep, the 2nd glass of wine im drinking or in the plain and simple truth that this is it...the moment I have been waiting for....waiting since the fist time I heard about adoption and knew it was for me!

Anyway... we will keep you posted as bet as we can. We fly out of Detroit Monday evening and will likely have sporadic and unreliable internet access in Africa.

Sigh... (the happy, full kind)

Hmmm, I really did think this would be short and sweet...I tend to ramble when I am tired! :)

Travel Plans

It has been a whirlwind of a day...

Chad and I ran errands from 9am to 4pm today trying to get all the paperwork together for our trip.

As a quick summary, we each saw our doctors for signed medical forms stating we are healthy enough to adopt (whew...) :)  - had those notarized - had them state sealed. We filled out our tourist visa applications (a visa is required to get into Ghana- in addition to a passport) which of course required our full travel itinerary so we booked our flights (see more below)!  Then we got passport photos taken (for the visas) -  super rush/overnight mailed our visa applications, travel itinerary and $400 to the consulate (praying they print tomorrow and overnight them back here by Saturday...or else we miss our flights).

We leave from JFK airport this Monday night! We will arrive in Ghana Tuesday night and be there for 5 nights, back next week Monday/Tuesday. At this point, i cant find a flight from anywhere in Michigan to JFK for a price worth considering (currently they are $700+ each) so we are considering driving. Which seems crazy with how little time we have.

Whew...my head is spinning with everything that has to be done. While I know it will all come together this feels very chaotic and unorganized...which are two things that are generally difficult for me ;)... Keep us all in your prayers! Thanks!

We're goin to Ghana!!!

We barely believe what is about to be typed...

Just this morning, we received an email from our caseworker informing us that our custody court date in Ghana has been scheduled!!!  "When?" (you might be asking).

...for next week Friday...

WHAT!?!?!?!?

I know, right???

We are heading to Ghana in 7 days! 

We will meet our son in 9 days!

We could legally be parents in 10 days!

We totally thought this part of the process would take longer (whatever! We have known this was coming for over a year- (its kinda like when people say that Christmas snuck up on them...) that's just silly)...we thought we would have more notice on our court date (you know I am totally freaking out right now!)...but in reality this is just about right. :)

Isnt this how God works?

The weekend we are scheduled to have what could be our biggest fundraiser yet, is the same weekend we will need to book two last minute flights to Ghana costing somewhere in the ball park of $4000+. We have always had just enough, just in time...

Stay tuned!

It's a........BOY!!!

The words we have been waiting to type!!! We have finally received a referral for a 4 year old boy in Ghana! Wahoo!!!!

Do the happy dance…ya….ya…do the happy dance…!!!

Ok, so you might be asking, “What, I thought Ghana had suspended their adoption program….i thought this was impossible”? Well, the easy answer is yes and yes but we will get to that part later.

But first, more about our little (big) guy! His name is Kweku Rahit Abubakar. He has been living in orphanages for a while as he was abandoned by his father as a baby and more recently left at the Department of Social Welfare by his mother, who since has been unable to be located.

He is said to be “exceptionally bright” and is now staying at a well known and caring orphanage in the Central Region.  We received two pictures of him and words cannot describe how adorable he is. Each picture tells a very different story of the challenges he has faced already in his little life. There is so much to discover in those dark eyes. Unfortunately, it is illegal to share photos electronically until after we pass court and doing so could jeopardize our adoption so im sorry, but many of you will have to wait to see his beautiful face (or you can just come for a visit as he is hanging on our fridge)!

Now we wait for confirmation that our Placement Letter has been filed. This is the document that is submitted to the court in Ghana were we specifically request to adopt Kewku. This will trigger our court date being set. We are hoping for a court date in September and will plan to go to represent ourselves. This is somewhat uncommon as an agency’s Power of Attorney typically goes on behalf of families but after consulting with them we have decided that it may look better for us to be there.

After that we should be able to get updates and pictures more regularly  as it is common courtesy when you are visiting Ghana to offer to take pictures/videos of other people’s children.

Ok, so back to the less fun part of this…the process, politics and pursuit.

The moment we heard about Kweku and received his information we both experienced incredible peace about moving forward. We were the only family still on the waiting list in Ghana. Some felt called to something different, we felt called to stay. We knew there was a reason and now we believe that it was Kweku.

It seems to be a miracle that we even received a referral with how rocky things are in Ghana. He is fortunate to be from one of the few regions still pushing adoptions through where the Social Welfare Director has spoken outwardly about his belief in and commitment to international adoption as one option for orphaned children.  Its God confirming again how big He truly is.

So even as we ask you to celebrate this huge step with us and we say we have so much peace about moving forward, something dark tells me not to get too excited, not to get other people excited, because so many things could still go wrong. Technically the suspension is still in place. There are people along the way that seem to be doing everything in their power to prevent or at least delay children from coming home even after the adoption is considered final. There are many huge and terrifying mountains ahead. The truth is that not many people seem to know exactly what is going on. Some say only one agency in the US is able to continue processing adoptions (not the agency we are with), some say we may need an international adoption attorney, some just say “your crazy for doing this at all”.

But…

Although we will face seemingly impossible mountains, walk many uncertain and rocky roads, see dark days, probably be tempted to feel hopeless or to jump at quick decisions that help us feel more in control, the real TRUTH is that our God, the one who loved Kweku before he was even conceived, can see around every mountain and to the end of every rocky road. He will be Light in the darkness and the One that we will continue to put all of our trust and faith in. Our hope will not be found in politics, process or people.

So while there is a tiny part of me that is nervous to tell you all about Kweku because I cant imagine having to tell you if something goes wrong, its more important to me that you know so that you can continue to pray. Some specific prayer requests are:

·      Clear guidance, that our hearts and minds would be open to whatever God is calling us to, that worry would be shut out by faith and that we will daily give up trying to control any of this and put it all squarely in God’s hands.

·      Protection, provision and health for Kweku.

·      That even now, God would begin to work in his little heart, preparing him for what lies ahead and healing the emotional/psychological hurts he has already unfairly endured.

·      The financial means for us to do whatever it takes to bring him home. God has already provided every step of the way and we are confident that He will continue to do so.

Thanks for your ongoing support and love! It means more to us than you know. Happy 4th of July!

Starting over...

I tried really hard to title this post something different. 

I have been debating it all day. I wanted my fingers to type something like: "A fresh start" or "Unwavering" or even "Explosive trust and quiet resolve". That's a good one.

But they typed the truth- straight up. 

We are starting over. 

Ghana officially suspended their international adoption program on May 13. Smart people doubt that the suspension will be lifted...ever, i guess. I wish I could eloquently list all their reasons but to be honest I just dont know what they are. Some imply that it is to push internal reform and promote domestic adoption. Maybe. But then I ask, what about all the children who are sitting in orphanages today, waiting, while 'they' debate reform? Arent they concerned about what happens in the in between time?

I am upset. Angry actually. Once again, children are the pawns in a political game. 

I am sad. Is mourning too strong of a word? I feel like I have lost something, something that I was quite attached to: an idea, a picture in a my head, the child ive bought clothes for. A friend said that what I am feeling may be similar to what someone dealing with  a miscarriage may experience. Humans just attach to other humans, sometimes rather quickly, sometimes before they even meet each other. It's a fact.

So, where do we go from here? After talking through all of our options and really trying to figure out what God is doing here (and wishing we actually knew) we have decided to be added to the waiting list for Ethiopia. We will leave our dossier (that really big stack of paperwork) in Ghana in case things change and we will begin compiling a new dossier for Ethiopia.

We really never thought we would go there, for lots of reasons. We have felt so drawn to the west side of Africa. We know nothing about Ethiopia.

The facts are still the same though. It is a poor, war-torn, disease-ravaged country. There are many, many orphans. Because programs in Ethiopia have been "popular" there is a long waiting list (we are somewhere in the 50's I believe) but we are told there are few who are willing to consider an "older child" (over the age of 3) or a child with special needs (like HIV) or even sibling sets. So, that is exactly what we are open to. Maybe things will move quickly! Maybe they wont. 

Here's to the first step!!

~

 "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you"- John 14:18

~

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you"

 - James 1:27

A little somthin' about being stuck

Wow, its been a while... I find myself repeatedly saying "Ill write a blog post as soon as _______ (fill in the blank) happens because it will make for a great read". Then several weeks go by and something weird happens...i dont write ANYTHING. Not because things arent happening and changing or because I am not thinking things, my brain rarely stops (melatonin has become my friend!).

Chad and I recently went to see the film "Stuck".

Powerful.

Heartbreaking.

Enraging.

Emotionally draining.

Just a few words that describe the experience. If you havent seen it, PLEASE do. Its more than a movie, its a bright light shining on a very hidden social justice issue. The film is finishing up its international tour on the East coast this week and finally arriving in DC on Thursday to present 30,000 signatures (hopefully! (you signed it right?)) to congress followed by countless meetings with legislators and representatives wrapped up with a march on Capital Hill.

This movement is about changing the way the world does international adoption. As Chad and I have been in this journey we have learned SO much about what is happening (and not!) behind the scenes. The corruption, politics and red tape makes me physically sick because I know its at the cost of innocent children. 1 of which dies every 30 seconds from preventable causes. Ugh.

Over the last several weeks we have been getting bits of information here and there about the new Minister of Gender, Children and Social Protection in Ghana and her persuasion and impact on the processing of international adoptions.  We heard from one source that she advised a cease in adoption petitions being signed until major reform can take place and as a result many regional social welfare directors have halted all pending cases. Apparently she is a determined lady because word has it that she has already fired some of her staff for insubordination.  To be clear though, no laws have changed making international adoption illegal and furthermore, she doesn't have the legal authority to do so.

Now to be clear, I dont think that international adoption should be the only option for a child and reform IS needed. Badly! There should be many options available for each orphan and whichever one gets them out of an institution and into a safe, loving family the quickest should be pursued. But seriously...halting everything to reform the system literally means that many waiting children will have NO HOPE for a family. Every day that goes by, every year older a child turns, their chances of being adopted plummet. Its just the truth. The hard truth.

So here is where we beg for your help!

1. Continue to pray for orphans all over the world, for them to be safe and comforted and provided for. Pray for softened hearts for our leaders all over the world. What a heavy weight of power they hold.

2. Sign the petition. Join Chad and I in demanding change. We cannot be idle now. We will not be quiet.

3. Get involved. There are so many ways. One place to start is to watch the film (you can borrow it from us!). Then tell a friend about it. And make sure you both sign the petition! :)