My Son...(by Chad)

 Today I write my first post and hopefully what is the first of many as I continue this pursuit of life and to its fullest, moving in the direction where the light continues to shine brighter with every step forward.

  As I think about my son it stirs up so many emotions in me that I can't contain it and I need to share how he is already making an impact in my life as well as individuals all around me.

 Because of my son, I am receiving people's blessings through their God-given talents and I also experiencing the compassion others have for those around them. I am being blessed by people's ideas for fundraisers, individuals creating art work, some donating their toys that they have had since they were tots, others donating their countless hours of service to help us with our continuous venture to bring us one step closer to bringing lil man home, people sending us checks in the mail, people asking their friends/family to help us create baskets/gifts for our silent auction (complete strangers to me!)...

 Because of my son, my faith is being challenged to grow deeper and I'm gaining a better understanding of the Father-Son relationship. Through this experience I have had to learn how to lay down my pride and in so doing I have seen God blessing me with the different doors that He is opening. I'm overwhelmed with how difficult it would be to give up my only son to sacrifice because He is so in love with the world (us). I haven't even met my son, but I know that I wouldn't give him up for anything and I know that I would give up my world and sacrifice everything for him, even if that meant giving my own life. I see God at work everyday and a great example is recently when we were coming up to a date needing our next payment turned in and we were still roughly about $500.00 short of the payment. The day before we needed to make the payment, a check came in the mail for $500.00. I can't even put into words how He's made Himself known to me through this process. We knew from the beginning of this process that we didn't have the money to pay for this by ourselves so we have been in a constant state of prayer that if this is what He wants that He will provide. Watching God work His miraculous power has been foundational for me in that I'm learned how to let go and let God in every aspect of my life, not just finances.

 Because of my son, new friendships are being discovered, old friendships are being renewed, and existing friendships are growing deeper. Through all of this I have met people who are going through the process of adopting children from different areas of the world and I have been introduced to individuals that were born in Ghana. I have made friendships with individuals that, without this process, would have probably remained acquaintances.

 Because of my son, I am beginning to appreciate a culture very different from what I am familiar with. I am discovering new foods to try! I have discovered it rather difficult to find a Bible for children that isn't filled with every character looking like they've never seen a day of sunlight in their life. I have learned that not everything I read on every Ghana website is always accurate information.

 Because of my son, I'm developing into the man that God destined me to become. I'm learning through this whole process that as I've called myself a procrastinator, I'm really just making excuses for myself that allow me to sit back and watch others do the work for me. At the same time, waiting until the last minute disconnects me from the Spirit, as he prompts me to move on whatever situation is needing to be accomplished. I'm growing in the understanding that God has given me spiritual gifts and if I hold back from using them, because of fear of what others think of me, that I am doing a disservice to others, in that what I'm holding back from sharing maybe what God needs them to hear.

 So I have shared about the ways ive already been impacted and the emotions that this experience has produced. This video ties into this message about "my son"  and the deeper call that we have personally felt through this journey. It has a very powerful message (get your tissues ready!).

And...it's off!

After being notarized, sealed by the state and authenticated by both the American and Ghanian Embassies,  we got the news today that our dossier is complete and on its way to Ghana! It is probably half way there as I type!

 Early stage of paperwork

Sealed!

"So what's next" you might be wondering??? Well, now we wait.  Our case worker is suggesting a modest time frame of 3-12 months to receive a referral although there are so many unknowns. We were informed today that we are "family #4" in the program (that sounds good, right?)...but it also means that we dont have many examples to work from. The other families ahead of us have different stories, different dossiers and have requested different genders and ages than us.  So, basically it could be weeks or it could months. It is more completely and literally out of our hands now than it ever has been... and there is an intriguing sense of peace that comes from that. 

So while we wait, we will be applying for our travel visas, saving/raising the remaining $10,000 we need and absorbing as much information as we possibly can about the Ghanian culture, parenting an adopted child and becoming a multi-cultural, multi-racial family. Oh, and preparing Little Guy's room! :) Stay tuned for more to come on each of those things!

One EPIC yard sale!!!

So many of you have been asking "how did the sale go"? It's finally time for the big announcement....drum role please....

-After weeks of collecting your unwanted items- THANK YOU to all our amazing friends who cleaned out their closets (and encouraged others in their lives to do the same, some of you encouraging your families to clean out their entire house!)...
-After a week of Craig's List postings, passing along the Facebook event to everyone you ever met and a few of you even risking your jobs to print off signs and banners for the sale (sight dramatization)...
-After a VERY early set up morning that YOU showed up for (its scary to know that you can actually function that early in the morning, isnt it?)...
-After 2 long days of carrying boxes outside, explaining snippets of our story to strangers, moving heavy furniture and packing up the leftovers in the rain...
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... how many periods do you think I can put in one post?...oh, sorry, back to the point... more drum role please...
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You helped us raise over $2200 in 2 days!!! ...huge drum solo finish!

But seriously, we were emotional as we counted it all up. It was incredibly humbling to be reminded in such a clear way that God is with us. Especially for me, who constantly thinks about the how's and when's - I, immaturely, needed that reassurance....again. We truly received so much more than the money though. If I could give a shout out to every person who helped us in every way, I would (is there a character limit on this thing?). Some of you got up early- on a work day, some of you drove from far away, some of you donated items you could have sold, some of you committed to the long day, even though you felt old (see what I did there?).  :)

But you know who you are and we rest assured that God knows who you are, and we are thrilled that one little guy who may be sitting in his crib somewhere in Ghana right now, waiting, will know who you are too.

Ok, now I'm getting emotional again. Whew...

We met so many of our neighbors and we talked to countless people about their own stories of adoption. I have never felt so empowered and supported by so many complete strangers. This truly was an amazing experience in so many ways. Below are a few pics of all the fun we had!

So what now?! Yesterday we received the final, notarized copy of our home study. Chad directly went from picking it up at our agency to the UPS store to overnight our USCIS packet. This included our Petition for an Orphan Visa which gets the ball rolling for "little guy" to both enter the country and become an American citizen. As we wait for approval and an invitation to be fingerprinted, we are wrapping up all the documents for our dossier. We should have everything within the next week or so, and once approved by our agency this LARGE packet of documents will make its way to Ghana. At which point we wait for a referral.

Timeline Update: If things continue to move at the rate they are currently, we could make our first trip to Ghana before December and potentially have him by the end of the year!!! WHAT?!?!?!

Thanks again to all of you who are praying for this process to be go smoothly and for "little guy's" safety while he waits for us. Please keep them coming!

 Folding endless amounts of clothes

 The Aunties modeling some of our finer items :)

The "Chad's"

Bird's eye view

Getting to know our future "Little Guy": Part 1

I have found it both inspiring and humbling to wake up to such a beautifully simple landscape. Chad and I are currently on vacation with his family in the Smokey Mountains of Gatlinburg, Tennesee.

Since I do not posses the ability to "just doing nothing", I am using some of my time to wrap up the 1st round of pre-adoption education requirements (something that is still relaxing and enjoyable!). We are learning some very eye-opening things that may be true for our waiting little guy (some inspiring and some terrifyingly daunting).  Here are some of the recent things we have been discussing:

• Our Little Guy could be "behind" developmentally for a variety of reasons:
• The majority of brain development occurs during the first few years of life, Including senses, ability to recognize faces, emotion regulation and trust for environment/caregivers. 
• Like a muscle, the brain operates on a 'use it or lose it' principle. The more stimulation the brain receives in the first 6 months the more connections and networks are formed. 
• 50% of brain cells wither or die within the first few years of life which is critical to brain organization and by 18 months the foundations for emotional intelligence have been laid.
• Experiencing trauma (abuse, neglect, malnutrition), loss/grief from early separation with biological parent/caregivers,  and being exposed to extreme stress can all effect how the brain forms (with a stronger than normal fight-or-flight crisis response).

• The first year home will be critical for us in helping him to develop connection with us as his parents. He will have to learn that we are not simply another set of short-term caregivers. He may have to relearn how to express his needs to us and that he should come to us first to get those needs met and ultimately that we wont abandon him. Some strategies we will use to speed up the connection process are:
• We will be the only ones to provide his basic needs for the first 6-12 months (diaper changes, baths, feeding) so please dont be offended when we dont beg you to change his poopy diaper! 
• During this time we will be trying very hard to minimize how much he is in the primary care of others (with a babysitter/friend). We are blessed that Chad both has the career flexibility and desire to be the primary stay at home parent at first. While I will transition back to full time after the first month off we will be coordinating our schedules so that one of us is always (hopefully) able to be with him.
• We will play games that encourage eye contact and touch, we will read him children's books about what a family is and how some families are different and we will talk openly about the roles/expectations for each family member and how those might be different than what he has already experienced. 

• As we develop our "parenting style" we will have to keep many unique facts in mind. Common isolation-based discipline methods, like time-outs and removal from environment,  may induce traumatic memories/feelings instead of corrective responses. 

• We will be very open with him about adoption and what we know about his past. The approach on this has shifted 180 degrees in the last few decades. It was once believed that keeping adoption a secret was best for the child and that bringing it up would only cause confusion and doubt. Now it is believed that being open and honest (in an age-appropriate way) is best and that children should know their history and culture. We want to respect and honor who he is and where he came from and help him to exercise his rights to be the keeper of that information and share it as he feels comfortable in doing. 

Stay tuned for more in this series!

Evolution

There are lots of changes in our lives right now...not like the "let's paint the walls" change, or the "maybe we should try a new restaurant tonight" change but the kind that force you to reconsider your view of the world as you know it. Here are just 3:

1. There has been a shift in how we see the future playing out. We are becoming more aware of the fact that it might be something we didn't plan for, couldn't have made happen on our own, and might make us a little uncomfortable.

"The more comfortable we are with mystery in our journey, the more rest we will know along the way" - John Eldredge

For example, Chad has been talking about going back to school off and on for a few years now. Over the last several months he has developed this passion for reading (which was never a strong skill of his) and has plowed through several books (including the entire Bible!). That has brought him (us) to prayerfully considering seminary or a masters degree in ministry. In addition, he just applied for an amazing position at YoungLife (in Wedgwood) where he has been volunteering for the last few years. This position is truly where his passion is and would allow him to continue to work with kids who have experienced a lot of pain and loss in their lives but with a ministry focus. It is part-time (which is SCARY) but it would allow him to take classes and be at home with our future child. (note: if you haven't picked up the anxiety in my voice here is your hint and plea for prayer!)

2. We are learning to accept that relationships change...and not always in the direction we want them to. I (Shandra) tend to get pretty attached to people. When I truly get close to someone I care about them passionately and I can become somewhat protective. Ill do just about anything for someone I love, even if the personal sacrifice is great. This is one of the most beautiful things I learned from Audrey. Before her, no one had ever called me just because they were thinking about me and wanted to see how my day was going. She truly defined friendship and I never questioned what I meant to her. In the fullness that I step into friendships/relationships I also expect a lot back although I don't think its unreasonable (of course!). It's things like respect (dont talk about me behind my back, dont screw me over), that I can count on you in a time of need, that you have my back and that you want to spend time together (one of my primary love languages).

The devastating truth is that relationships aren't like a ferris wheel they're more like a roller coaster and sometimes when the ride ends, and its been a long day, one of you just aren't ready to jump back in line...no matter how much the other may want it. 

3. Lastly, its a maturing of faith. An evolution of beliefs. From life being random but connected events that God cares about to understanding that there is a plan that is bigger than we can fathom. Seeing the bits of truth in the phrase "everything happens for a reason" and embracing the anticipation for how God might just catch us off guard. 

For example, an old friend from Calvin that I havent talked to in nearly 3 years has became an amazing supporter of our adoption, connecting us to some great resources and providing unique fundraising ideas (stay tuned for the coolest hats you have ever seen!). Her own experience working in an orphanage in Africa has already played a role in our journey. We are continuously amazed by the people who have expressed their desire to support us: friends of friends donating items to our yard sale, being invited into an elite adoption support group :) and the numerous gifts we have received: from the check that came in the mail a few days ago (you know who you are but you will never know how much that meant) to the bin of childhood toys, 20-some years old that are full of meaning. I have been brought to tears more times in the last month than i usually am in a year!

Little Guy's very first toy! From one of the staff I supervise who also has a heart for orphans. (P.S. "Little Guy" is the official nickname)

My intent on this being a short and sweet post was once again a complete fail. Oh well, maybe next time ;)

Step 2: an Update and an Invitation

Hokay so, one major step has been completed! We have submitted our formal adoption application for Ghana along with our Phase 1 payment. We received a call from our assigned case manager the very next morning after submitting everything online. Side note, we are super impressed already by the professionalism, respect and timeliness of this organization. On to Phase 2 (p.s. there are only 3!). 

What is Phase 2?

We have our first of 4 sessions with our social worker scheduled for this coming week. These sessions will include couple and individual interviews and a thorough background/financial/support system investigation that will conclude with a home visit to inspect our house. During this process we will need to complete several educational components on things like the effects of trauma and malnutrition on development, cultural awareness and different ways to build a health connection/bond and sense of identity within our child. We will also begin preparing our Dossier (da-see-ay, it took us a while to get it right) which will include all the paperwork both governments will need to approve the legal adoption and authorize the citizenship and immigration for our child. 

How can you be involved?

With Phase 2 comes another large payment ($4175) due in October. If you would like to partner with us to reach this goal, here are a few potential ideas:

•  Help with our fundraiser: a yard sale the weekend of September 7 and 8. This idea is completely stolen (thanks Tanya!) and is simple, inclusive and brilliant! You can help by donating any unwanted items you have laying around. We are collecting items now and will store them until the big weekend. Let either of us know if you have donations and we can pick them up or coordinate a time for you to drop them off! 
• Do you have a creative idea for a fundraiser? Please share! We would love to hear it!
• Make a contribution directly to our adoption fund!
• Continue to pray with us and for the safety of our future little guy.

We have experienced an increasingly strong sense of peace, knowing that God will provide.  His word is full of his promises to orphans and we are so excited to see how He works throughout this process...in ways that we cannot yet imagine.

What's in a name?

Those of you who know us well wont be surprised to learn that our blog name was chosen only after much debate and careful consideration. In fact, we analyzed the possibilities for days, the “Create Your Own Blog” page up on our computer with only that last field yet to fill. How do you begin to reflect two individual life perspectives and a united future dream into a few simple words? How do you represent the juxtaposition (Yay! I have always wanted to use that word!) between an active search for clarity and purpose with the promise of grace and completeness that is already firmly in place?  

One of my greatest fears is that one day I will look back and struggle to name what I have contributed and accomplished. That fear is coupled with my personal skepticism of regret. Certainly self-reflection and experiencing the consequences of poor decisions are critical in developing maturity but I believe that the positive benefits stop there.  Once we cross the line into regret: wishing something to be different, we cheat ourselves from growth and deny our own self-value.  We cannot forget that the worst choices and the most painful experiences have contributed just as much to who we are at the core as all of our favorite ones have. All of these things have made me who I am, in this moment, so I choose to live with No Regret. Those two words, simple yet complex, will be my first tattoo if I can just commit to getting one. 

Ok, so now that we have my perspective well covered, on to Chad’s. His may be more well known, partly because he has fewer commitment issues and has it tattooed boldly on his leg: Live Life to the Fullest. This isn’t just a popular catch phrase to him, but truly the way he strives to live each day. Chad thrives in spontaneity and refuses to accept dormancy as an option. To him, every moment is something you cant get back once you have spent it, so buyer beware!

So these two life perspectives, with their similarities and differences, crash into the truth of grace and the promise that everything we need in life has already been made available to us. Pursing something that is already there…get it?  Believe me, its deeper than just chasing your tail!


Shandra