On expectations and a broken heart

I am not typically good at waiting (is anyone?) especially when it's the kind of waiting that comes with very few details!  I, like most other people,  tend to feel more comfortable when I have some level of control and a pretty solid idea of what to expect.

There is a lot of waiting in the adoption process. When we began this journey we were told to expect it to take 12-18 months and we were good with that. I was ready to practice my waiting!!! :) In addition, we signed up for a pilot program where there were more unknowns than knowns. What a great opportunity to practice being ok with not having all the details too!

We werent financially ready and we knew we had a lot to learn. We even told our caseworker early on that she could prioritize other cases (specifically those of our freinds who are also adopting) because we were sooo not in a hurry. I expected it to be complicated, for there to be many twists and for it to take a long time.

I thought I had healthy expectations.

What I did not expect is this:

I didnt know that I could fall so deeply in love with someone I have never met, never touched, never seen. I had no idea that I could worry so much and care so deeply about a country I have never been to.

I didnt plan on my entire life turning upside down- at least not before Little Guy was even here! It seems like every other day we are talking about how we are standing in awe again.  In any wild hope or dream, we couldn't have put together the collection of people who have come forward to support us. New friendships are abundant and old friendships have become richer than we could have imagined.

I guess that as I have prayed over the years that God would break my heart for the things that break His heart...i could have never expected this...

There are over 50 million orphans in Sub-Sahara Africa. Just sit with that for a minute.

I live in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Grand Rapids is a large city in a larger metropolitan area that is home to just under a million people. So there are over 50 Grand Rapids' in one part of Africa and they are made up completely of orphaned children! Children who dont have access to clean water, children who become modern day slaves, children who are dying of preventable diseases. 

I dont know about you, but that breaks my heart.

These are children created by God, who deserve the same exact love, care and opportunity as the kid who lives next door to me, down the street from me, and (dare I say it?) in your home, dear reader.

And yet again, I am discovering that I am really not that good at waiting...

On Luck and Blessing

As I was out running errands today I noticed the Christmas music playing in the background and thought about how this time next year we will parents. I will be singing these same Christmas songs to our little guy.

Wow. It's thoughts like that one that still catch me off guard. 

It is just so amazing to think that so much will be different. That God will bring a little orphan boy from halfway across the world into our lives. That we will be blessed enough to be called his parents.

Some will say that it is him who is lucky...that he is blessed- but I will say no. No child born into poverty is lucky. No child whose parents die from AIDS is blessed. No child who spends his nights AND days in a crib, who shares a few loving adults with 30 other children is lucky. 

We can only hope and pray that what we can provide for him is enough. We will shower him with love and teach him that God loves him even more! We will tell him that although he is adopted by us, we have all been adopted by a God who cares about us to the ends of the world...a God who will never abandon us. We will remind him that he has a purpose that only he can live in to. We will do everything to protect him...and even more to provide the best possible life for him. 

It is truly Chad and I who will be blessed to have the opportunity to know that kind of love.

Getting to know our Little Guy part 2: His 1st home

While we have no idea yet of the specific circumstances our little guy was born into we know that even while we type he could already be in an orphanage. 

(This post will appeal specifically to the 'numbers' people in our lives!)

His first home...

Ghana's Flag

- Red: symbolizes the blood shed for their independence

- Yellow: represents the country's mineral wealth

- Green: represents the forests and natural wealth

- Black Star: lodestar for African Freedom

Geographical Size: Approximately the size of Illinois and Indiana combined

Capitol: Accra- 11th largest city in the country 

Population: 24 million, 4 million in the greater Accra area

~Due to the high growth/immigration rate in the capitol, 9 slums have emerged, locally called "Sodom and Gomorrah". The government is currently working to demolish them because of their 'effect on the environment'.

Skyline of Accra

Ghana became independent from the British Administration in 1957 and celebrate their independence every March 6.

Africa Day, celebrated on May 25th (ironically also our wedding anniversary) commemorates the founding of the Organization of African Unity, when 30 of the 32 countries signed a unity charter.

Life Expectancy: 57 (only 4% of the population live past the age of 65)

Average Age: 21 (over half of the population is under 24)

Language: English (over 70 languages/dialects spoken country-wide)

Main Export: Cocoa, then gold, diamonds, tuna and timber 

The global demand for exotic timber and for cocoa (which can be planted in the place of fallen trees) has increased deforestation and had a devastating impact on the local culture)

Poverty Level: Nearly 29% are below the poverty line 

Low income housing is often made from mud and untreated lumber.

Currency/Exchange: Currently $1Cedi (pronounced SEE-DEE) exchanges for $1.89 American

Primary Sport: Football (Soccer), Team Name- The Black Stars

Weather: steady year around, ranging between 76 and 82, the 'winter' months being marked by increased humidity/rainy season (and there are palm trees!)

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According to the World Health Organization- 2/3rd of ALL people infected with HIV/AIDS live in sub-sahara Africa, although this region contains just 12% of the worlds population! 

12% of African children are orphans- that is an estimated 54 million kids.

The Supreme Court in Accra: where we will be granted the blessing of becoming Little Guy's parents!

My Son...(by Chad)

 Today I write my first post and hopefully what is the first of many as I continue this pursuit of life and to its fullest, moving in the direction where the light continues to shine brighter with every step forward.

  As I think about my son it stirs up so many emotions in me that I can't contain it and I need to share how he is already making an impact in my life as well as individuals all around me.

 Because of my son, I am receiving people's blessings through their God-given talents and I also experiencing the compassion others have for those around them. I am being blessed by people's ideas for fundraisers, individuals creating art work, some donating their toys that they have had since they were tots, others donating their countless hours of service to help us with our continuous venture to bring us one step closer to bringing lil man home, people sending us checks in the mail, people asking their friends/family to help us create baskets/gifts for our silent auction (complete strangers to me!)...

 Because of my son, my faith is being challenged to grow deeper and I'm gaining a better understanding of the Father-Son relationship. Through this experience I have had to learn how to lay down my pride and in so doing I have seen God blessing me with the different doors that He is opening. I'm overwhelmed with how difficult it would be to give up my only son to sacrifice because He is so in love with the world (us). I haven't even met my son, but I know that I wouldn't give him up for anything and I know that I would give up my world and sacrifice everything for him, even if that meant giving my own life. I see God at work everyday and a great example is recently when we were coming up to a date needing our next payment turned in and we were still roughly about $500.00 short of the payment. The day before we needed to make the payment, a check came in the mail for $500.00. I can't even put into words how He's made Himself known to me through this process. We knew from the beginning of this process that we didn't have the money to pay for this by ourselves so we have been in a constant state of prayer that if this is what He wants that He will provide. Watching God work His miraculous power has been foundational for me in that I'm learned how to let go and let God in every aspect of my life, not just finances.

 Because of my son, new friendships are being discovered, old friendships are being renewed, and existing friendships are growing deeper. Through all of this I have met people who are going through the process of adopting children from different areas of the world and I have been introduced to individuals that were born in Ghana. I have made friendships with individuals that, without this process, would have probably remained acquaintances.

 Because of my son, I am beginning to appreciate a culture very different from what I am familiar with. I am discovering new foods to try! I have discovered it rather difficult to find a Bible for children that isn't filled with every character looking like they've never seen a day of sunlight in their life. I have learned that not everything I read on every Ghana website is always accurate information.

 Because of my son, I'm developing into the man that God destined me to become. I'm learning through this whole process that as I've called myself a procrastinator, I'm really just making excuses for myself that allow me to sit back and watch others do the work for me. At the same time, waiting until the last minute disconnects me from the Spirit, as he prompts me to move on whatever situation is needing to be accomplished. I'm growing in the understanding that God has given me spiritual gifts and if I hold back from using them, because of fear of what others think of me, that I am doing a disservice to others, in that what I'm holding back from sharing maybe what God needs them to hear.

 So I have shared about the ways ive already been impacted and the emotions that this experience has produced. This video ties into this message about "my son"  and the deeper call that we have personally felt through this journey. It has a very powerful message (get your tissues ready!).

And...it's off!

After being notarized, sealed by the state and authenticated by both the American and Ghanian Embassies,  we got the news today that our dossier is complete and on its way to Ghana! It is probably half way there as I type!

 Early stage of paperwork

Sealed!

"So what's next" you might be wondering??? Well, now we wait.  Our case worker is suggesting a modest time frame of 3-12 months to receive a referral although there are so many unknowns. We were informed today that we are "family #4" in the program (that sounds good, right?)...but it also means that we dont have many examples to work from. The other families ahead of us have different stories, different dossiers and have requested different genders and ages than us.  So, basically it could be weeks or it could months. It is more completely and literally out of our hands now than it ever has been... and there is an intriguing sense of peace that comes from that. 

So while we wait, we will be applying for our travel visas, saving/raising the remaining $10,000 we need and absorbing as much information as we possibly can about the Ghanian culture, parenting an adopted child and becoming a multi-cultural, multi-racial family. Oh, and preparing Little Guy's room! :) Stay tuned for more to come on each of those things!

One EPIC yard sale!!!

So many of you have been asking "how did the sale go"? It's finally time for the big announcement....drum role please....

-After weeks of collecting your unwanted items- THANK YOU to all our amazing friends who cleaned out their closets (and encouraged others in their lives to do the same, some of you encouraging your families to clean out their entire house!)...
-After a week of Craig's List postings, passing along the Facebook event to everyone you ever met and a few of you even risking your jobs to print off signs and banners for the sale (sight dramatization)...
-After a VERY early set up morning that YOU showed up for (its scary to know that you can actually function that early in the morning, isnt it?)...
-After 2 long days of carrying boxes outside, explaining snippets of our story to strangers, moving heavy furniture and packing up the leftovers in the rain...
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... how many periods do you think I can put in one post?...oh, sorry, back to the point... more drum role please...
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You helped us raise over $2200 in 2 days!!! ...huge drum solo finish!

But seriously, we were emotional as we counted it all up. It was incredibly humbling to be reminded in such a clear way that God is with us. Especially for me, who constantly thinks about the how's and when's - I, immaturely, needed that reassurance....again. We truly received so much more than the money though. If I could give a shout out to every person who helped us in every way, I would (is there a character limit on this thing?). Some of you got up early- on a work day, some of you drove from far away, some of you donated items you could have sold, some of you committed to the long day, even though you felt old (see what I did there?).  :)

But you know who you are and we rest assured that God knows who you are, and we are thrilled that one little guy who may be sitting in his crib somewhere in Ghana right now, waiting, will know who you are too.

Ok, now I'm getting emotional again. Whew...

We met so many of our neighbors and we talked to countless people about their own stories of adoption. I have never felt so empowered and supported by so many complete strangers. This truly was an amazing experience in so many ways. Below are a few pics of all the fun we had!

So what now?! Yesterday we received the final, notarized copy of our home study. Chad directly went from picking it up at our agency to the UPS store to overnight our USCIS packet. This included our Petition for an Orphan Visa which gets the ball rolling for "little guy" to both enter the country and become an American citizen. As we wait for approval and an invitation to be fingerprinted, we are wrapping up all the documents for our dossier. We should have everything within the next week or so, and once approved by our agency this LARGE packet of documents will make its way to Ghana. At which point we wait for a referral.

Timeline Update: If things continue to move at the rate they are currently, we could make our first trip to Ghana before December and potentially have him by the end of the year!!! WHAT?!?!?!

Thanks again to all of you who are praying for this process to be go smoothly and for "little guy's" safety while he waits for us. Please keep them coming!

 Folding endless amounts of clothes

 The Aunties modeling some of our finer items :)

The "Chad's"

Bird's eye view

Getting to know our future "Little Guy": Part 1

I have found it both inspiring and humbling to wake up to such a beautifully simple landscape. Chad and I are currently on vacation with his family in the Smokey Mountains of Gatlinburg, Tennesee.

Since I do not posses the ability to "just doing nothing", I am using some of my time to wrap up the 1st round of pre-adoption education requirements (something that is still relaxing and enjoyable!). We are learning some very eye-opening things that may be true for our waiting little guy (some inspiring and some terrifyingly daunting).  Here are some of the recent things we have been discussing:

• Our Little Guy could be "behind" developmentally for a variety of reasons:
• The majority of brain development occurs during the first few years of life, Including senses, ability to recognize faces, emotion regulation and trust for environment/caregivers. 
• Like a muscle, the brain operates on a 'use it or lose it' principle. The more stimulation the brain receives in the first 6 months the more connections and networks are formed. 
• 50% of brain cells wither or die within the first few years of life which is critical to brain organization and by 18 months the foundations for emotional intelligence have been laid.
• Experiencing trauma (abuse, neglect, malnutrition), loss/grief from early separation with biological parent/caregivers,  and being exposed to extreme stress can all effect how the brain forms (with a stronger than normal fight-or-flight crisis response).

• The first year home will be critical for us in helping him to develop connection with us as his parents. He will have to learn that we are not simply another set of short-term caregivers. He may have to relearn how to express his needs to us and that he should come to us first to get those needs met and ultimately that we wont abandon him. Some strategies we will use to speed up the connection process are:
• We will be the only ones to provide his basic needs for the first 6-12 months (diaper changes, baths, feeding) so please dont be offended when we dont beg you to change his poopy diaper! 
• During this time we will be trying very hard to minimize how much he is in the primary care of others (with a babysitter/friend). We are blessed that Chad both has the career flexibility and desire to be the primary stay at home parent at first. While I will transition back to full time after the first month off we will be coordinating our schedules so that one of us is always (hopefully) able to be with him.
• We will play games that encourage eye contact and touch, we will read him children's books about what a family is and how some families are different and we will talk openly about the roles/expectations for each family member and how those might be different than what he has already experienced. 

• As we develop our "parenting style" we will have to keep many unique facts in mind. Common isolation-based discipline methods, like time-outs and removal from environment,  may induce traumatic memories/feelings instead of corrective responses. 

• We will be very open with him about adoption and what we know about his past. The approach on this has shifted 180 degrees in the last few decades. It was once believed that keeping adoption a secret was best for the child and that bringing it up would only cause confusion and doubt. Now it is believed that being open and honest (in an age-appropriate way) is best and that children should know their history and culture. We want to respect and honor who he is and where he came from and help him to exercise his rights to be the keeper of that information and share it as he feels comfortable in doing. 

Stay tuned for more in this series!