Getting to know our future "Little Guy": Part 1

I have found it both inspiring and humbling to wake up to such a beautifully simple landscape. Chad and I are currently on vacation with his family in the Smokey Mountains of Gatlinburg, Tennesee.

Since I do not posses the ability to "just doing nothing", I am using some of my time to wrap up the 1st round of pre-adoption education requirements (something that is still relaxing and enjoyable!). We are learning some very eye-opening things that may be true for our waiting little guy (some inspiring and some terrifyingly daunting).  Here are some of the recent things we have been discussing:

• Our Little Guy could be "behind" developmentally for a variety of reasons:
• The majority of brain development occurs during the first few years of life, Including senses, ability to recognize faces, emotion regulation and trust for environment/caregivers. 
• Like a muscle, the brain operates on a 'use it or lose it' principle. The more stimulation the brain receives in the first 6 months the more connections and networks are formed. 
• 50% of brain cells wither or die within the first few years of life which is critical to brain organization and by 18 months the foundations for emotional intelligence have been laid.
• Experiencing trauma (abuse, neglect, malnutrition), loss/grief from early separation with biological parent/caregivers,  and being exposed to extreme stress can all effect how the brain forms (with a stronger than normal fight-or-flight crisis response).

• The first year home will be critical for us in helping him to develop connection with us as his parents. He will have to learn that we are not simply another set of short-term caregivers. He may have to relearn how to express his needs to us and that he should come to us first to get those needs met and ultimately that we wont abandon him. Some strategies we will use to speed up the connection process are:
• We will be the only ones to provide his basic needs for the first 6-12 months (diaper changes, baths, feeding) so please dont be offended when we dont beg you to change his poopy diaper! 
• During this time we will be trying very hard to minimize how much he is in the primary care of others (with a babysitter/friend). We are blessed that Chad both has the career flexibility and desire to be the primary stay at home parent at first. While I will transition back to full time after the first month off we will be coordinating our schedules so that one of us is always (hopefully) able to be with him.
• We will play games that encourage eye contact and touch, we will read him children's books about what a family is and how some families are different and we will talk openly about the roles/expectations for each family member and how those might be different than what he has already experienced. 

• As we develop our "parenting style" we will have to keep many unique facts in mind. Common isolation-based discipline methods, like time-outs and removal from environment,  may induce traumatic memories/feelings instead of corrective responses. 

• We will be very open with him about adoption and what we know about his past. The approach on this has shifted 180 degrees in the last few decades. It was once believed that keeping adoption a secret was best for the child and that bringing it up would only cause confusion and doubt. Now it is believed that being open and honest (in an age-appropriate way) is best and that children should know their history and culture. We want to respect and honor who he is and where he came from and help him to exercise his rights to be the keeper of that information and share it as he feels comfortable in doing. 

Stay tuned for more in this series!