As I continue to pursue life, with
Hoodie and sweatpants on, I am made fully aware that the seasons are changing,
some have already come and yet others haven’t arrived.
It is interesting how God in his
infinite power and creativity can craft a beautiful scene out of death. Fall is
a great season, the only downfall is that it is the first sign of winter
approaching. Some of the things that make it great for me are…leaves changing
color, playing in the leaves, football, delicious foods being cooked in the
oven and the aroma that comes with it, delicious beer, pumpkin lattes and
doughnuts, warm apple cider, bonfires, the coolness of night. While these
things bring me joy, it doesn’t take me more than a few seconds, in each
situation, before the cruel reality hits me. My son is sitting in the orphanage
longing to be embraced, to be loved, to be sought after.
I feel so far away from Kwe right
now. Maybe that’s because I am 5,728.7 miles away from him at any given time. I
just want to hold him in my arms and tell him how much I love him and how I
would give my life for him. In my heartache I hear God saying, 'You are
beginning to see what I experience on a daily basis with millions of my children
who want nothing to do with me. They are so far away from me and I only long to
be in relationship with them and tell them that I love them.'
We left Ghana on
August 4th and I still remember it like it was yesterday: the smell,
the people, the food, and the temperature. I don’t easily want to forget it. I’m
saddened that I’ve had to be away from my son that long. In thinking about him
being so far away, how much does God desperately want us to come home?!
Speaking of home, I’m thankful to
God for the job opportunity that he opened up for me. I was in my previous role
for 5 ½ years and I typically only had two nights at home each week. This new
position is allowing me more nights at home to spend with Shandra and to also
get projects done on the house. I never had to desire to embark on new projects
because I was usually tired or wanted to relax with the few nights I had
available. My new position is still at Wedgwood. I’m now at ETP, which stands
for Employment Training program. I still get to work with clients but now I
work outdoors doing everything from mowing, trimming, and edging lawns,
weeding, landscaping, and almost whatever the customers draw up, if it is
within our capabilities.
The other change in season seems to
be unique. I’m speaking of fatherhood. The hard reality is that I want to
father the child that God has made me responsible for, but I am still unable to
because of legality and document purposes. So, in the meantime, I’m drawing on
my heavenly Father to prepare my heart and mind for things yet unseen. I want
to share what God is developing in me! Around two years ago God stirred up a
fire in me and now I’m drawing on Him to be my fuel source so the fire doesn’t
go out. I wrestled with God most of my life but I finally got sick of playing
the on and off game. The only time I know things are going well in my life is
when I am closely connected to the Father! "I am the vine; you are
the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart
from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5 This is the testimony of my tree
tattoo! One way I’m drawing from my Father is a passion for His word. “Keep
this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that
you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous
and successful.” Joshua 1:8 I crave my morning reading time, it’s my
morning meal! “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes
from the mouth of God." Matt 4:4 My prayer time is maturing and I’m
learning how to “pray without ceasing” 1 Thes. 5:17. Prayer is supposed to be
having conversation with God, right? So, why not be in constant communication
with Him?!
We can be constantly talking with our friends and family with all
the technology we have today, so why can’t we be in continuous communion with
our God who defies all human capabilities and who doesn’t need any wireless
device or app to carry a conversation with us. I don’t have to text while I’m driving,
I don’t have to wait for Him to reply to an email, I don’t have to call him on the
phone and hope that he doesn’t hit the ignore button. He is there in His
infinite power and wisdom and can carry on conversation whenever we choose to
start talking! I read lots of books and I choose to read books that challenge
my faith and walk with Christ. Here are some of the many great quotes that were
taken from my latest reading
-“The Circle Maker” by Mark Batterson. “If you want
to keep growing spiritually, you need to keep stretching, by going after dreams
that are bigger than you are.” “Never put a comma where God puts a period, and
never put a period where God puts a comma.” “Praying through is the conjunction that allows God to not
just finish the sentence but to make a statement.”“We allow our circumstances
to get between God and us instead of putting God between us and our circumstances.”
One
thing that Mark really challenged me in his book was to be specific in praying
and to put deadlines on them. Not to say, I have control over this situation, but
rather that when God answers your prayer there is no doubt that it wasn’t by
coincidence or chance. Some may think that I’m trying to hard and doing too
much. I am trying hard because I don’t want to miss out on an opportunity that
He is giving me to share His love and truth because I wasn’t prepared. "But
of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son,
but the Father alone…For this reason you also must be ready; for the Son of Man
is coming at an hour when you do not think He will.” Matt 24: 36;44 I
want to hear my Father say, “Well don’t good and faithful servant!” “And
the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the
least of these, you did it to me.” Matt 25:40 Still others may be thinking,
I just don’t have that kind of time to be doing all of that. Speaking from
personal experience, if you don’t have your guard up constantly, the enemy will
try to find ways to creep in and slowly tear you down. I’m doing my best not to
let that happen! This verse says it well and I’m reminded of it daily with my tattoo
phrase, ‘Life Life to its Fullest’. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and
destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John
10:10
So, I wish I could tell you I have
it all planned out and I know what the next steps are, but reality is I’m
taking this one day at a time. I try to make it a priority to go to God first
to seek His advice so that I’m in step with His will for my life. It’s
remarkable how things fall into place because of that! “Steep your life in God-reality,
God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all
your everyday human concerns will be met.” Matt 6:33 I want to leave you with
two clips that I love and that have be inspiration to me in my walk.
