Home.

For those of you who haven't followed every detail of our adoption journey (mostly on Facebook), let me just tell you, it's been quite the ride!!

If you would have laid out every twist and turn for us back on May 25th, 2012 (the day we "officially started the process" & 2 years, 4 months and 23 days before Kwe came home), I'm thinking we wouldn't have been brave enough or strong enough to submit the application. That's the funny thing about not seeing all the way around the mountain (or challenge) in front of us. It's actually not that helpful! It's a strange concept because I've prayed many a prayer asking to see the future or to make the future hurry up and come. But sometimes I realize that seeing into the future would just scare the $&#% so far out of me that I would just freeze (or run into a dark room and hide. It's true).

Anyway. So here we are. At the end of this part of the journey. Kwe is home. 

KWE IS HOME!!!

Oh, how I thought I would never type that!!! The sting in my eyes as I hit the 3rd exclamation point still surprises me. He's home. My sweet boy is home. 

We've waited, we've put the personal details of our lives on paper (actually, several trees worth of paper), we've cried, we've been angry (REALLY angry), everything we thought we knew has been challenged and stretched, new knowledge has flooded our brains and so many new relationships have poured into our lives. We survived. We did more than survive. We are stronger. And Kwe is home. :D

So our 3rd trip to Ghana in paragraph? Ok, go:

Just getting to Ghana was a mess starting with all the Delta computers down in GR leading us to missing our connecting flight. Afer a little drama and a lot of stress and 2 flight changes, we finally made it to Ghana...but our luggage did not (shocker). Got it the next night. Didn't really matter to us though because jumped towards us as soon as he saw us walking out of the airport! Picture the biggest smile you have ever seen and multiply it by 25! The VISA interview went ok. 3 hours in the waiting room to find out we (and by "we", I dont necessarily mean Chad and I) were missing a required document. Enter mad rush to get said document from another region in Ghana (a couple hours away) and submit before embassy closes. Then we didnt pass. They need to verify some things etc, etc etc. So then we dont hear anything for an entire week or so and we begin calling and emailing everyone we know to try to figure out what we can do and how we can get approved. On Wednesday the 15th, right as we are making decisions about Chad staying in Ghana or coming home to go back to work, we get the call that we are approved and can bring his passport to the Embassy. We freak out. Scream. Dance. Cry. Waking Kwe up very abruptly from his nap. We RACE to the Embassy in hopes of begging for his Visa to print by Friday so we can come home. We wait. And wait. We are called up. They stayed late so that they could print his Visa right then and save us a trip back. WHAT!?!?! We are told they "never" do this. Don't tell everyone (ssshhhhhh) and we are free to go.  

God is faithful. He asked us to have faith, to work hard and trust Him even harder. And He showed up. He showed up big. Oh, if only I could hold on to this faith forever and never doubt again... God is good. ALL the time. In the struggle and in the celebration. 

Ya. So that just happened! 

So we celebrate, book tickets home and enjoy a few final days in beautiful Accra.  So then came (and keeps coming) the continued outpouring of love and support from our community. Friends and family drove from near and far to meet Kwe the day we arrived, we walked home to a kitchen countertop, refrigerator and freezer literally bursting with food, meals have been delivered consistently, a 2nd (and MUCH needed) carseat arrived via UPS yesterday from people we've never met, and we have been loved on and prayed for in more ways than I can even describe (my fingers would literally fall off if I tried to type it all out)! Whew. 

Ill try to post more pictures this weekend (and different pics than we put on FB for those who follow us there!) but here are a few of my favorites. 

Landed in Grand Rapids airport!

Playing in our backyard!

Surprise post from Chad

I write this with lots of excitement bc I/we have been a part of God's amazing miracle!

 I sat up all night Tuesday night pondering, praying, crying, pleading (wrestling) with God and of course listening to my favorite worship songs. It was getting really tough because I was having to make a tough decision. If we didn't get word by Wednesday night I was gonna have to make the call if I was staying with Shandra here in Africa until Kwe's visa was ready or going back to the states by myself. I have been out of work for 2 weeks and I'm not getting paid because I've used up all my vacation time. Plus we have exhausted the money we brought here with us.

 So, I finally went to sleep late into the morning feeling exhausted and I placed my trust in Gods hands knowing there wasn't anything I could do. I fell asleep saying, "God, it was you who put us on this journey and brought us to this point. We feel stuck and have run out of money and time, by our standards. I know you're in the business of making miracles and changing lives so I'm pleading for you to help us."

 Wednesday we go about our day as if we aren't going to hear anything, but still hopeful we might. I was emailing my boss about what to do for work and starting to look at flights home.

 Then it happened!!!!! At 3:30pm yesterday (1130am @ home) we got the call that we were approved and could bring in his passport to get the visa printed. She said if we could make it by 5pm we could still turn it in that day. I raced upstairs to our room to tell Shandra! Now looking back, not sure if I actually hit any steps, sort of felt like I was floating! We shared our freak out moment, crying and holding each other in disbelief. Mind you, at that moment Shandra was wrapping up an interview for staffing for HQ and Kwe was napping. Her boss Andy was on video and freaked out and said, "Whoa, what?!? What just happened?" Shandra explained and he finishes by saying, "I feel like I'm in the birthing room!" Love that response!

 So, we raced to get changed and find transportation to the embassy before 5pm. We made it there by 412pm. Got to the door and the security guard started giving us a hard time about getting in. He stated that they were closed and we didn't have an appointment. We said, no we don't have an appt but we have a return slip and we received a phone call that we were approved and could drop off our sons passport to get his visa printed. They continued to give us a hard time and we argued/advocated for our case  and told them we would only be a minute as we were only dropping off the visa.

They finally gave in and let us through!!!

As we got inside the gentlemen behind the counter said our counselor was in a meeting and we would need to wait for her. Of course nothing is quick and easy and besides we were excited to have been told we passed so we were more than willing to wait as long as necessary.

 Our counselor finished her meeting and we saw her working with 2 others holding a file and messing around on the computer. Meanwhile, 45 minutes had gone by and the guards were passing by every minute getting frustrated that we were holding them there after their required time.

 We were beginning to ponder that they were either questioning the validity of his passport or printing his visa right then.

 Well, she called us up at 530pm and said my colleague and I stayed late and went ahead and printed your visa today. BAH, say what!? Can you repeat that because it sounded like you said you just printed our visa? Mind you, we have been told that it takes 2 days to print the visa. So, we had another cry and hug it out session because we had just witnessed a miracle from God!!! Not only had we gotten approval but we got Kwe's visa printed 2 hours after receiving our phone call. Wow! Thank you God!

 So, we returned to our hotel overwhelmed an overjoyed and starting sending out notices and trying to talk to our agent about getting flights home. Sadly, we were a few hours short of being able to leave that night, but we got booked to be on a plane leaving Friday night. This will put us getting back to GR around 1030pm Saturday (pending we can't find a better flight from one of our layovers).

 Thank you all for your continued prayers and support through this whole process! Thanks for sticking with us, loving us, and holding us up when we were feeling down and out! There are so many things we could thank you all for but that would be a book. Blessings to each one of you that have been a part of our journey!

   Love,

   Chad, Shandra, and Kwe

We (as in all 3 of us) are coming home!

KWE'S COMIN' HOME!!!!!!!!

For those of you who dont follow our adoption journey on Facebook, I promise to provide all the details as soon as i am back home and have my head on straight again (or maybe ill just settle for having it at all).Ive already started the post, so I can assure you it will come!

The important thing to know now is that we have experienced a miricle!! Just as we were starting to make plans for Chad to go home and me to stay, just as the my tears were begining to dry from that very thought, we got the call! We know how Kwe'ls visa and all his documents are ready. We leave tomorrow (Friday) night and are currently set to land in GR on Saturday the 18th.

Here is our flight info as of now: DL433 lands at 10:30 pm on the 18th.  We have a very long layover in ATL so if there is anything else that opens up to get us home sooner we will definitely let you know!

Hope to see you soon!

A very important invitation

Can you believe it?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Only 5 more sleeps until we see Kwe!!!! (Only 4 really because you know "sleep" on a plane is really just a tease). 

Here are the final steps:
1. Fly to Ghana (we leave GR this Saturday afternoon, arrive in Accra Sunday afternoon)
2. Hug Kwe till his head almost pops off
3. Attend VISA interview on Tuesday the 7th (pray we pass the interview)
4. Pick up printed VISA a few days later (pray it doesn't have any errors on it)
5. Hang out with Kwe in the capital for a few days and bond as a family of 3 for the first time on our own.
6. Fly home to all you crazy kids!!

Speaking of step 6....We are very excited to invite you ALL to the airport to meet Kwe for the first time! We would love for this to be a time of celebration and fun. We anticipate hanging out there for an hour or so and if Kwe is doing well we will move the party to a local restaurant for an early dinner.  

If you are planning on meeting at the airport or would just like to track our flight, here is the info:

Delta flight: 1283

Atlanta to Grand Rapids

Date: Sunday, October 12

Landing time: 2:10 PM

See you there!!

Ok, I really don't want to write this last part. So Ill start it with a long, drawn out disclaimer and finally get to the point somewhere a few paragraphs down. 

Friends and family. You have been amazing. You have supported us through prayer, through long talks over coffee, through cards and emails and Facebook comments. You have donated items for the organization we have come to love (CORM) and to each of our 18 yard sales. You have given us so many gifts: practical ones like shoes and toys and books and really amazing, thoughtful ones like hand painted art and your own precious childhood belongings. You have celebrated each step along the way with us.

You. Have. Been. Amazing. 

We are truly blessed by how God has shaped our environment and our support group. We have learned an encyclopedia's worth of information through this process but one of the most precious things has been about how much we are loved by you all and by God. We have just never experienced community and support and love like we have through this journey.

So, I should get to the point.... Many of you keep asking us what else we need and how else you can help. We keep trying to change the subject and convince you that we have everything. BUT you are persistent people!!!  You just don't quit! So, besides coming to the airport and celebrating with us and meeting this awesome kid we keep telling you about....we have (somewhat reluctantly) included a few other options below. 

PLEASE DONT FEEL OBLIGATED.  

- Prayers for safe travels, Kwe's heart being ready for all the love he is about to experience, that we pass the VISA interview and that we make it through immigration easily. 

- Wanna help us with meals? A sweet, sweet friend has set up an account for us on TakeThemAMeal (Name: Steininger, Password: Kwe). This will be crazy helpful as I just can't even begin to predict what its going to be like around here  (especially when Chad goes back to work after that first week). 

- Kwe also has an Amazon Wish List of things that he could still use. It's really been more like a list I've kept over the last few years to help me not forget things..The items on here are just ideas and don't necessarily have to be exact or even purchased online. We can update the list if we get things that are from somewhere else.  

So there. I hope you're happy people!! :)

Love,

Chad, Shandra and Kwe

Just. So. Close.

We could be in Ghana in less than two weeks!!

TWO WEEKS!!!

Let me break this down for ya!

-  Sometime this week: Kwe goes for his medical evaluation and then back 3 days later for the TB test reading.
- Wednesday the 24th: Our Power of Attorney picks up the VISA packet from the Embassy in Ghana.
-  Thursday the 25th: Once we have confirmation that the packet has been picked up, we email the embassy requesting our VISA interview appointment to be scheduled on Monday October 6.
-  Also, Thursday the 25th: We put holds on 2 flights from Grand Rapids to Ghana and 3 flights from Ghana to Grand Rapids! :)
-  The week of the 29th: Try not to go crazy. Finish Kwe's room. Make sure we have all the basic things he will need (someone just reminded me that he will need a toothbrush. Seriously. Thank you.) (don't worry, just bought him underwear (side note: they are SO little and adorable!!!), oh, and socks). Thought to self: that was a lot of parenthesis.  Collect, organize, pack donations for CORM and Glovo. Check and double check that we have ALL the 500 million documents we need to take for the interview. Figure out what to do with the dogs. Figure out what to do with the house (that is currently on the market)......I could do this all day people, but you get the point!

Our hope is to fly out of Grand Rapids on Friday October 3 and to be home on Saturday, October 11. We will publicly post our flight information once its set so that you all can be waiting to great him the minute he becomes a US Citizen!

Note: We sincerely want to extend this invitation to all our family, friends and support systems. We literally wouldn't be who we are right now (and quite possibly wouldn't have made it at all) without each of you. This time at the airport will be such a sweet, sweet celebration. No more paperwork, no more "what if's", no more "we are in the process of..." -  it will be finished. You will be celebrating with us as Kwe walks into his new family, new community, new country, new life.

We will take those next few weeks to "cocoon" with him and slowly introduce him to all the things this new life will entail. New food, weather, dogs as pets, grocery store, everything! It will be critical for us to maintain a structured and simple schedule where only we, as he new parents, are meeting his basic needs for food, bathing and cuddling. We will laugh with him as he excitedly explores it all and support him when he grieves all that he has lost. Again. You see, we have to remind ourselves regularly that while this is all so beautiful and exciting to us, it is for him another loss of everything he has ever known and loved. Adoption is the way that God makes Beauty from Ashes. A way we get to experience hope and grace. But, we must remember that it is still a product of trauma and loss. Loss of biological family, loss of cultural community, loss of friends, real and raw loss. He will grieve and we will love. We can't know when and how this might all come out but by establishing that we are his parents and that that is different than all the caregivers he has had before, that we will never abandon or give up on him, that we will make sure he is provided for and never hungry again...by doing this well, we will provide a safe and stable foundation for him up to connect, bond, attach and then develop strong self esteem, hope, confidence and joy.

So while we will want so desperately to share those first few days and weeks with all of you, we hope you can understand just how important this period of transition is for Kwe and his future.  Please call, text, or email us! We will keep everyone posted on how he is doing and when he is ready to start playing with his new friends!

Again, thank you for all the support and love you have poured out on us! The time for celebrating and dancing and crying happy tears is so close! Go stock up on tissues people!!! :)

Saying "yes" (again)

If you have read our blog for long, you probably know that we try to have an attitude of "yes" in our lives. We explore options that present themselves to us and rarely discount something until we have checked it out. For us, that is how we try to be faithful to God's direction in our lives...as we rarely experience clear signs, etc.

So when this conversation came up multiple times over a couple weeks it finally stood out as something we should explore. We explored it and have decided to take the steps towards putting our house on the market!

WHAT?!?!?

I know! I am shocked too!

We bought this house 5 years ago thinking it would be our 10-15 year plan. We envisioned paying it off, selling it and using that money to pay off down our student loans. But what we have recently learned is that it is a sellers market right now in GR. There are not many homes for sale, a lot of interested buyers (bouncing back from the recent recession) and our neighborhood is in demand because all the positive change in last few years!

SO, we figured, what does it hurt?!? We will throw a rather high number on it, (what we would need to pay off a big enough chunk of loans to make it 'feel' worth it) and see what happens. Maybe nothing will happen. Maybe no one will be interested. And that is ok too.

But maybe, just maybe, this house was an investment and not our forever home. So we say 'yes'. We take one more step and we watch.

If it does sell we will  hustle to find an apartment again for a while. This is the part I am really excited about. Although I love my house, it is a LOT of work to keep up. Cleaning, yard work, projects, cleaning, painting, re-doing projects that we did 5years ago, cleaning... The American Dream turned out to be a heck of a lot more sacrifice of time than I imagined it would be 5 years ago.

We have been talking a lot lately about the simplicity of a minimalist lifestyle.  Selling most of our possessions and downsizing into a 1000 sq foot apartment downtown is incredibly appealing (and extremely hard to actually make happen- apparently we arent the only ones with this idea). Less to clean, less to manage, less to worry about.

What about Kwe? We have heard that a few times as we have discussed this plan with our closest friends and to be honest that was one of our biggest worries when we first started talking. But what we quickly realized is that Kwe needs us. Not a big house, not a fenced in back yard, not 100 toys. He needs our attention, our full attention, our time, our passion for enjoying life! Our hope is that by greatly reducing our stress at home we will have much more time and energy (physically and emotionally) to give to him. We both have busy and often stressful careers and that wont change when Kwe comes home. But by reducing our financial stresses and our home-owner responsibilities, our time 'home' will be fully focused on our family.

So. We are racing to finish up some projects so that we can get it on the market and hopefully move before Kwe comes home. That way, he never really knows the difference and doesnt have to experience another major transition in his life right away.

If you know of anyone interested in a beautiful 3 bedroom 1.5 bathroom home within walking distance to 2 parks, a library and a bakery, let me know! ;)

Last, first and free

Today is my last. 

Tomorrow is my first. 

And a few days ago we were set free.

TODAY

I broke a new record!!! My first day at Arbor Circle was April 25, 2011. I worked there full-time for 3 years, 3 months and 11 days. And while I will stay on contractually (very part-time) for a while yet, I am not "there" any more. I learned an incredible amount about myself and my "style", about some of the things that hold families and youth down and about the challenges that keeps support services from doing all they have the capacity to do. It changed me. I now have a lot more experience, a healthy amount of skepticism and a stronger (maybe unbreakable) passion to keep pushing forward.

TOMORROW

Tomorrow I start something new! The next chapter. I will be am the Director of HQ, a drop in center for youth who are experiencing homelessness, who have run away or who are just struggling. The dream of starting something from the ground up, pouring my vision and passion (my everything) into it,  being a part of something big that was going to have a lasting impact, has been just that: a dream. Maybe something that would happen in 10 or 20 years. Maybe in another country. But here I am. People believe in me. A lot of people. I cant even describe how that feels. I am humbled...so honored....so shocked by it all. I have moments where I freak out a little bit and ask myself when everyone around me is going to realize that I cant do it. I had just had one of those moments before I read the Jesus Calling devotion today, which told me: 

"Rest in My sufficiency, as you consider the challenges this day presents. Do not wear yourself out by worrying about whether you can cope with the presures. Keep looking to me and communicating with Me, as we walk thru this together."

I dont have to be perfect. I dont even have to pretend like I am! I can just put my all into every day knowing that every step of my life has been led, at every turn I have been molded and shaped and I wont be alone now (or tomorrow!). Interviewing for this job was one of the biggest tests of my faith. I'd been fully on one side of the pendulum: I wanted it SO bad, it was my dream, what else would I do... and the other side: maybe I shouldnt even apply, I probably won't get it anyway, I don't know if I'm ready. Then, as the interview process came closer I found the middle. I gave up control. No, really. I did!!! Why is that so hard to believe?? :) I felt so at peace. I gave it to God and told Him I would honestly live either way. :) If I got it I would step 100 million percent into it...if I didnt, i would look forward to what He was preparing me for. 

Deep breath. 

Then I got it!!!

And the "crazy train" leaves the station tomorrow! Woohoo!!!

And- Chad's job is going so great too! He absolutely loves it. He is learning a ton, being challenged (personally and professionally) and gaining confidence ever day. I am so proud of him for taking the risk and working hard!!!

Ok, so adoption update: basically it continues to drag on at the pace of a elderly snail. Last Thursday we mailed out the 3rd packet of supporting documents to US immigration, in response to the Notice of Intent to Deny Kwe immigration. Our Officer received it yesterday. Maybe we will hear something in the next week.

The day after we sent it, Chad sent me a text sharing a "God download". I dont know if you have ever experienced that but for me, it's in the stillness (when I can actually figure out how to make my mind pause) and its usually a simple word or a few words that just enter my mind. There's nothing and then  there's something. 

So anyway, this is it. It touched us so deeply that we couldn't not share it with you! Enjoy!

"I have Kwe in my arms, right where I need him to be. Have peace knowing he's in my care. I'm instilling in him character and a passion for my people. I need him here for a time such as this to learn and grow. The future for him will be much more brighter because of this! Rest assured my child for I know the plans I have for him and for you!"

One word

Today something just hit me.

I've probably written about it before.

It's one of those things that I have to be reminded of over and over again. And then it feels like a new thought each time.

It's simple really.

Or is it.

....
Thankfulness
....

There it is.

Tomorrow (July 25) is 5 months since we passed court.

Last night as Chad and I were falling (literally) into bed, he commented that we should be preparing ourselves mentally for the fact that Kwe may not be home for another 5 months. Ugh. That felt heavy. I wanted to be angry at him for even speaking such nonsense!

Instead, I slept on it.

This morning, Jesus Calling, reminded me that thankfulness is one of the most effective ways to experience God's presence. Which is sort of funny because I was just praying yesterday about how to feel that again.

Some of you may know exactly what I mean. Throughout your faith journey you often have times when your conversation with God seems to flow naturally. He is right there. You feel something different. Other times, its like a uphill struggle. You try to do all the right things (which inherently might be the problem) and you still feel floaty. Disconnected. Alone. It's like a human relationship in some ways I guess. Sometimes you just 'click', other times you crash.

So anyway...I am supposed to be practicing thankfulness. And I have A TON to be thankful for in EVERY. SINGLE. AREA. OF. MY. LIFE.!!

But how much harder it is specifically with Kwe and this ever-twisting adoption process...

So I began brainstorming.

Here are some of the first few things that come to mind. We are thankful:

• that we even know who Kwe is. He is not a number. He is not an orphan. He is our son, we know him, we talk to him, we talk about him, we pray for him.
• that he is in a loving and supportive environment. We couldn't imagine a better place for him anywhere in the world (besides with us, of course!). And reflecting on how all that came together is an entirely separate list of reasons to be thankful.
• that he is healthy. I cannot imagine how much more difficult this would be if he had some illness that threatened his life every day he wasn't here. 
• that he is resilient.
• that we have an AMAZING support group. Seriously. We love you guys! :)
• that we serve a God who is so much bigger than any of the challenges we have faced. There is a plan. There is a purpose. There is a fullness.

Help us add to this list! Comment here on the shared link on FB! 

Life: Ever moving

Once again, it's been about a hundred years since the last post.

This time, i'm not apologizing! :)

Summer is always busy for us, but this is the first summer since Chad and I were married that he hasnt had to work weekends. This has really freed us up to not feeling so hectic and I am continually learning how to relax and just be.

We have gone to weddings, vacationed in West Virginia, had family and friends visit and so much more. It has been good. And there is still so much left!

Kwe is doing so great in his new home in Ghana. Since moving him in March we have gotten regular updates and have Skyped with him a couple times a month. The blessing that this is still overwhelms me at times. If he was still at the orphanage we would have had little to no communication and we may not even know if he was ok on a day to day basis. What we have been given is rare and beautiful.

We are currently waiting on Immigration (I-600) Approval. We submitted our application at the end of April and the requested additional evidence arrived to our Officer's desk on July 7. If we are approved, we could have as little as a month until he comes home. Here is the breakdown:
- We get I-600 approval
- Those documents are sent to the Embassy in Ghana (2 weeks)
- We request a day for our VISA Interview (the last thing Kwe needs to leave the country)
- WE FLY TO GHANA!

We are going to be present for the VISA interview and represent ourselves for the best chance at passing.

So that's where things are at! Still praying for July 25th to be a big day and asking God to bring him home this August. Please join us!

A quick adoption update

This feels long overdue. So for that, I apologize. I could say that I have been SO busy or something something but I think I have just been getting a bit better at slowing down. Accepting demanding a touch less from myself EVERY day! We have been trying to enjoy this beautiful West Michigan spring/summer and have actually allowed ourselves some days of doing nothing.

So, since it's another beautiful day here, this will be short and sweet! :)

So on April 26th we mailed out our i600 application which starts the US government's investigation into Kwe's orphan status. Essentially its their way of making sure everything is legit and that he is actually an orphan. This is an important step as many countries define things differently and less developed countries dont often have the same resources to pursue thorough investigations. We expected to receive a Request for Evidence (RFE) as most people do and particularly because we had submitted our application before we received his birth certificate. On May 23 we received the RFE requesting 4 additional documents (but not the birth certificate that we were still waiting on... which was weird). They are pretty specific requests that will require very specific documents from our POA in Ghana. We have since learned that the Immigration Officer we were assigned to has a reputation for being specific and thorough. Which is great! I truly would rather have that than someone who didn't care about their job. It is funny though, as we have literally fought every step of the way...why wouldn't we get a tough officer too! :)

We are staying positive though and having faith that the documents will be collected this month and submitted by the deadline, and that we will receive quick approval after turning them in.

I read a book recently about praying specific and clear prayers. It makes you have a different kind of faith. Well, we have paid for Kwe's room and board and school through July 25. So I am praying that we dont have to pay more and that we will be heading back to pick him up then.  It seems impossible...so it's exactly something only God could do!

I personally continue to practice saying that God's will and timing is perfect and not allowing myself to get caught up in talk about my personal plans and hopes.  It is a challenging balance though because we have to be ready for him to be home as soon as August but also be ok with it taking longer. So we have been researching schools and will turn in our application for our first choice tomorrow, in faith that he will be home and ready to start school in time. There is a long waiting list and its not easy to get in so we decided it was best to apply now. Even as I write this I question my own need for a plan b school. If my faith is big enough to apply for a spot in the school that Chad and I both believe he is supposed to go to...then it should be big enough to not need a contingency plan. Right?

So there's the update! Praying there is more positive news to share soon!

2 Choices

2 choices.

That's what you get.

It's pretty much the story of my life.

I have believed, for as long as I can remember, that we all have two choices in life. When bad things happen, we can generally respond in one of two ways:

1) we can allow them to define us, to cause a change in our course, to break us down, to reduce our hope; 

2) we can use them as fuel, propelling us forward to something we cant yet see, believing that something of value can (eventually) evolve, that they themselves can in fact be the source of hope. 

I have often shared that perspective when I am telling my "life story", specifically when I get to the part where I am about 15 years old. It was one of the darkest times of my life. I was struggling with my first serious episode of depression; questioning why certain things had happened to me, confused about how I never quite seemed to "fit", grasping for what the purpose in my life was. I wanted to run away...maybe not even exist anymore. It's part of why I went into social work.

What happened next I can only describe as a "God moment".

I felt something take over me.

I was on my knees on my bedroom floor, crying. Then I experienced the first real sense of 'power' over my life that I had ever felt. Not only did I now know that there was, somewhere, a purpose for what I had endured, that some beauty could come from these ashes, and that, as cliche as it sounds, there was a light at the end of the tunnel BUT ALSO, I knew in my core that I got to choose between two roads.

1) I could become hateful, angry and unmotivated. I could easily play the victim card like I saw others do. I could continue to give away my power, one choice at a time;

2) OR I could forgive and then fight with everything I had to do and be something different. To be better because of it! To not let my past win.

It's free will! I get to choose. Only I can choose. 

So why am I sharing this?

See, what 99.9% of you reading this don't know, is that back in November, I began struggling through the new darkest depression I have faced. It came fast and it hit hard. Very hard. It lodged itself deeper into my life than ever before. It's shaken me to my core and has had ripple effects across my life.

And while that whole story is probably too long to ever share on this blog (but maybe someday in the book Chad thinks I'm going to write!) I hope that for a moment you can put aside any judgements you may have about the reality of depression or it's cause or how someone who seems like they have such  a great life could possibly have ANYTHING to be depressed about....and just hear my story. Maybe we can talk more about those things later. :) Thanks.

So specifically relating to our adoption, the weight of this wait (see what I did there?!?!? Bahahaha) has been extra difficult since coming back from our trip in March. I have found myself saying to God, "Come on, I'm dyin' here!". (Now, to be clear, I haven't been lying about the peace and the trust I've felt. Seriously! Maybe it's another juxtaposition?)

But the heaviness has been real and the wars waging inside of me have been fierce. As I've been climbing out of the fog, Ive been asking familiar questions. What is the purpose of my life? Is my life what I wanted it to be? Have I gotten stuck (personally, professionally, spiritually, relationally)? What is God calling me to do next and how do I know that it's His voice and not just one of my own natural instincts to fight or run?

"Why God, is this taking SO long? Seriously. I'm dyin' here."

So where is this going???

I havent been to a morning service at Madison in a long time. Yesterday, we went to the early service and I was excited! I felt so alive. And I knew why as soon as Pastor Beelen explained that today's message was about trusting God's timing (You can hear the entire sermon from 5/4/14 here).

He explained that if it feels like God is taking His sweet time, "committing divine malpractice", then we can be sure of one thing: that we dont have all the facts! We just cant see as deep and as wide as He can. In my arrogance, I impose my schedule and if I continue to do that, I will continue to struggle to feel loved by Him. Funny how our ability to feel love and belonging and purpose can be so tainted by our own expectations.

He went on to say that we really only have two choices: to trust or to die. Well, that seemed a little extreme. But then he told a story of a shepherd in Whales who, to keep his sheep from dying from a fast-spreading parasite plague, had to completely submerge them in a antiseptic bath. As he held their entire body under water for those few seconds, the sheep thrashed violently, eyes-wide, certain that they were dying. There was literally no way for the shepherd to communicate that he was actually saving their lives! The communication intelligence gap was just too great.

How true is that for me? And maybe for you???

Every now and then I feel like I'm drowning. Like it's one baby step from being too much. But yesterday I was reminded that I have a choice. I can trust or I can die.

I can continue to say to God "Hurry, I'm dying here!!!" and feel the weight of my own panic pull me down further or I can say "I trust." Here. In this minute, in this second, in this millisecond if that's all I can do.

A weight lifted from me.

I love explaining the adoption process and telling people where we are and what has to happen next.
But I need to make a change. I can't continue to answer the question, "when is Kwe coming home?" with the same weary, discouraged, robotic timeline description. THAT is what's killing me! Instead I choose life and trust!

I dont know what God is cooking up. I'll probably never see all the pieces of the puzzle. Geez, the outline is barely together! I'm out of the darkest part though and I do think I'm stronger because of it. I choose to be stronger. 

And I do know that if this had been smooth and easy and fast, I wouldnt have met all these amazing people, I wouldnt have quite as clear a picture of who our TRUE friends and family are and I certainly wouldnt be learning as much about myself, about dependence, about patience... or about trust.

A fat lip & update

As I am sitting here typing this long overdue post, I cant help but start by sharing my pathetic fortune. 

Last night (24 hrs before my agency's biggest fundraiser of the year), I carelessly bend down to pick something up from the floor right as my "crazy" dog flails himself into the air like a dolphin. All 9 pounds of him thrust straight up with the energy of every muscle in his body. He knew he was about to go on a walk and he was imploding with excitement. His head, the density of titanium, met my lower lip and teeth perfectly. 

My brain shook.

Things went black for a millisecond. 

I screeched.

Blood in the sink, I babied my face the entire night and was a little more pathetic than was necessary. This morning I woke up the proud owner of a blue bottom lip! 

At least it will match the fabulous blue button-up I am wearing tonight with my black suit! Thank goodness for tinted lip gloss...sigh.

Anyway. I digress. 

You're here for an adoption update!

So you may remember that there was a bit of a time crunch for getting the corrected adoption decree and filing our immigration paperwork (i600). Our pre-application was set to expire on April 27th, 18 months after originally filing it. Yup, it was that long ago. 

While we could file without the decree, it really wouldn't look good... essentially we would be asking our government to approve the immigration of someone that we couldn't even prove we had any legal connection too. Our case would be flagged immediately and we would be sent a Request for Evidence asking for this additional information and giving us a deadline to provide it or our case would be denied. 

2 weeks prior to our deadline we still didn't have it and we weren't even completely sure whose desk it was sitting on/under/around. As I begin typing yet another email to our caseworker, my fingers just stop. I suddenly recognize the theme that has been swirling around my life... in my devotions, what i am reading, what my friends are saying: 

God: Do you believe that I Am good? 
Me: Yes

If you truly believe that, then you know I love you and full trust would be the naturally flowing result. 
Um, I guess so.

Silence.

If God is good (in the word's fullest meaning), then I have to believe that He loves me completely, that He is for me, that His plan is perfect, and then trust comes. If i cannot trust, i cannot say He is good. 

There is nothing else my caseworker can say to give me peace. Its just human words after all. I will not send one more email. I will not. I will trust. 

1 week away- no update. My fingers twitch at the thought of sending another email. Just to check in. Just quick. 

I will trust. 
I start to feel that familiar peace creeping in. 

Wednesday the 23rd. To be safe, we need to mail it out by Friday to ensure it's received by the deadline. It's ok. I have peace. I almost feel a laugh starting to gather deep in my stomach. God is going to bring this together right at the last minute!!! Isn't He!!!

Thursday the 24th. I check my email constantly, but I feel calm. God, what are you doing?
     1pm- It's 5pm in Ghana. The end of the work day. Meh, we've gotten updates "after hours" before. We still have time...
     4:30 pm- still nothing. It's not looking good. Its already 8:30 in Ghana.  ...We still have time. 
     4:53pm - a new email comes through. "It is my pleasure to forward this adoption decree to you!"

WHAT?!?!? 

WHAT?!?!?

Sigh... just in time. God has done it again. He keeps proving He is here. Keeps proving His power. 

Friday the 25th. (Did you catch that? THE TWENTY-FIFTH!!! Seriously, this is getting crazy!) Exactly 2 months after passing court, our i600 application is mailed. It will arrive to USCIS on Monday the 26th. One day before our case expires.

So, that's it! That's our life! Pretty freaking cool (and totally crazy), huh?

We are now waiting for Kwe's Ghanaian birth certificate. Ya know, the one that lists us as his parents! ;). Once that is submitted to USCIS they will begin their investigation to determine if he meets the criteria for being an "orphan" and immigrating to the US. Then Ghana gives their final approval and we move to the last stage: Exit VISA.

I feel like so many things have come together "just in time" throughout this adoption process. From finances to paperwork, from court hearings to caregivers. I am starting to wonder what Kwe will finally come home "just in time" for....

Urgent prayer request

Since i am now such a strong believer in the power of group prayer, we ask you all to join us tonight.

As I sit in yet another airport (i fear its becoming my second home) i received a brief update. Not good news. The judge has still not signed our corrected adoption decree. Its my understanding that even after this happens it still must go on to higher officials for approval...again.  Essentially meaning that we haven't made any progress (with the exception of moving Kwe) since 2/25. Each minor error seems to be another month or two in delays.

Our POA is going back tomorrow to check on the status again and we are persistently taking our request to God that it be ready when he arrives.

Thanks for the continued support! We'll keep your posted!

It's Impossible

Maybe I haven't said it out loud but my brain has thought it...a hundred times (...ok fine, more than a hundred). Things have seemed impossible at many points throughout this journey.

1. God leading us to international adoption
2. Not taking a single dollar of debt yet having just what we needed. For. Every. Single. Invoice.
3. Getting a referral after Ghana banned adoptions
4. Passing court after Ghana banned adoptions

But here we are. Just a few days home from our second trip to Ghana. And Im no longer thinking about that kind of impossible. I have more peace in my heart than I have ever known. The stress and uncertainty has been replaced by excitement and intrigue.

The kind of impossible I want to talk about now relates to my gross inadequacies at describing what exactly happened over the past few weeks.

Note: While there, we received some very direct words of caution about how much we share publicly about the details of our adoption experience. While mostly I feel like this is just Satan trying to keep us from singing our praises, I do realize and respect that the adoption climate is very intense right now...so extreme that legal adoptions are being confused for illegal child trafficking. People engaging in processing adoptions are often in danger physically and professionally. I didnt realize how serious this was until I saw it for myself. So having said that, please know that my desire to be transparent will be bridled in order to ensure the safety of Kwe and those who are helping us bring him home.

Back to the story. We arrived in Ghana around 8:30pm local time on a Sunday and were warmly greeted by the founders and directors of City of Refuge. You can read some of their amazing story on the website. We hung out on Monday and got a tour and met the staff and kids. Tuesday we went with our POA to the Attorney's office to review the Adoption Decree. We had been told the document was complete but that there was an error and therefore it may not be adequate. We prayed hard that we would be able to move Kwe (by this time we were sure COR was the right place for him). To carefully sum up what happened next, ill just say that in Ghana, us legally being his parents didnt give us the cut-and-dry rights and protections that we have in the US. It was a surreal, extremely stressful and scary and we pray that these new traumas will not bury themselves into Kwe's beautiful soul but that he will heal and be stronger for all that he has survived.

On our way to City of Refuge...it was an emotionally draining day for everyone.

We made it back to COR late Tuesday night and began a completely indescribable week of being his parents. We fed him, we bathed him, we played with him and he slept between us each night. We enrolled him in school, we pushed him on the swing, we colored, we cuddled and we cherished every smile, every laugh, every time he said "mommy" and "daddy".

We became parents in the most tangible sense. It's impossible to describe. I dont know what words to use to facilitate your understanding, your ability to "feel" it. We were in another country, another culture with a 5 year old boy who had known us for less than 4 hours of his life and who we knew very little about. Ive never been so thankful for my professional experiences and education and all the books we read! But none of that prepares you totally. I looked at Chad several times asking "what do I do", "what do you think", "what is he saying"??? It was messy. It was often uncomfortable.

But it was the most beautiful and completely life-changing experience I have ever had. I couldnt have asked for anything to go better. If you would have told me before boarding the plane how much we would have bonded and attached as a family, I would have laughed in your face and called you Optimistic Pollyanna.

Some of my most precious memories:
- the first time he called out to me as "mommy".
- the first time he called Chad "daddy" and Chad heard him and responded.
- waking up in the middle of the night seeing Kwe big-spooning Chad. One arm around his waist, the other in his hair.
- how much he LOVED bath time and broke out in the craziest dance moves when i poured water over his head
- just being still and listening to his singing, drumming and humming
- walking into our room to see Chad and Kwe in their PJ's cuddled up reading a book
- holding his hand as we prayed
- every day seeing him open up and realize that we were there to care for him in a different way than others had.

Reading with daddy

Swinging with mommy

I could go on and on. Beautiful is just all i keep thinking. Beautiful in the deepest, most pure and intense meaning. I love this kid with everything I am.

I know now what people mean when they say they would literally do anything for their kid. I would do that.

I no longer will laugh when people say they just lay awake at night staring at their kids face. I did that.

And leaving was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I actually thought about turning away from the group, grabbing Kwe and running into the hills. I cried. So hard. I haven't sobbed like that in years.

Another juxtaposition, right?

Feeling so at peace knowing that I have seen God move with my very own eyes while being devastated that I need other people to raise my child right now. That they get to see more of his "firsts" and cuddle with him at night. It hurts deeper than I knew I could feel.

Whew............

And then we landed back in the States. I ate processed food, took a hot shower and left the water on the entire time, slept in my offensively comfortable bed and went back to work. I tried to fit back in. I am trying to fit in...

But I feel different. Again. More.

I sorta feel incomplete. A little lost. Like a part of me is missing. Heavy. Sad.

I also feel like it was all a dream. That week was in another world, incomparably different than any one of my weeks here. Did I imagine it all?

I wish I knew the words to really describe it to you...

BUT, we are SO blessed! We have received updates, pictures, something almost every day since we have been back. :) People. That is HUGE. Prior to that we had received only a few vague updates over several months and now we can communicate with him and the amazing people who are around him every day! It keeps it feeling real. It motivates me. It puts a smile on my face and in my heart. He is in great hands. He is with people who love him and love Jesus. I couldnt ask for more while I wait.

Logistically, we are waiting for the corrected Adoption Decree so that our POA can file for Kwe's birth certificate. We will be filing our I600 the day we receive these documents (and absolutely no later than mid April as all our immigration pre-paperwork is set to expire soon). Then we wait for approval (i.e. the US government investigating his background and situation to determine if he qualifies to immigrate as an orphan).  Then we file for his VISA (the last thing needed to leave the country). We will travel back for the exit interview in anticipation of passing and being able to bring him home!

What a sweet, sweet day that will be!

On our way to Church

A quick update

These last few weeks have felt like a whirlwind! Paperwork, emails, donations, packing lists, celebrating, paperwork, cleaning, shopping, more paperwork...

3 days until we leave. Less than a week until I hold my sweet boy again. I just cant wait to be back. I so love that place.

One major update is around this amazing organization we have become connected with. City of Refuge  was started in Accra by an American/Ghanaian couple who became aware of the tragic truth that hundreds of children in Ghana were being forced into slavery and trafficking. They work to investigate these cases and rescue children from horrific environments. God has grown their work into an entire campus that includes safe shelter, access to medical care and a Christian education. We learned about some volunteer opportunities there and the chance that they may be willing to provide foster care for Kwe. Over the course of a few days, we had exchanged multiple emails and they had offered to not only pick us up from the airport but also allow us to stay in their guest house!

I just cant believe their generosity and we are so excited to be able to serve there and collect donations for them. We will be exploring with them the possibility of transitioning Kwe to COR where he would get good nutrition and medical care, be attending a Christian school and be able to Skype with us regularly. How awesome would that be in reinforcing who we are and what is happening! :)

Our other goals for this trip are to obtain the Court's Adoption Decree. Without this we may not be able to move him out of the orphanage as this document proves our guardianship. Once we have that (thinking positively) we can file for his birth certificate (the one that lists us as his parents!). If by some miracle we are able to obtain that while in country (and for many people it takes weeks or months to get) we would be able to file for his passport. Regardless, by the end of our time there we will be filing our I600: Petition to Classify an Orphan as an Immediate Relative (heck yes he is!). If we arent able to get the decree and birth certificate we will still file but our case will essentially be flagged until we submit everything else. We really dont need any more flagging... So we are GOING to get those documents (more positive thoughts)!

Please join us in praying for these doors to open and progress to be made! We are just so excited to see how God moves while we are there because He has certainly moved mountains in the last few weeks and continues to bless us beyond what we expect or deserve.

We are hoping to have somewhat regular access to internet and will be posting updates and pictures as often as we can on our blog and Facebook pages.

Next time you hear from me, Ill be in sunny (and hot!!!) Africa. Aaahhhh.....

Wanna help? Support Kwe's Orphanage

Last updated 3/7

Many of you have asked how you can help now!

Below is a list of items that have been identified as high needs. Remember, think lightweight and as little packaging as possible!

We need the items by Wednesday, March 12 for our "packing party"- and yes, you are invited! Otherwise we will try to arrange whatever pick-up/drop off is most convenient for you!

Update: Collected items will be split between Royal Seed (the orphanage Kwe is at now) and City of Refuge (where we will be volunteering and exploring as a foster care placement for him!- more details later on this!)

Ziplock bags: all sizes
Children's Tylenol
Children's Ibuprophen
Children & Adult Cough Medicine (day and night)
Chew-able laxatives 
Medical Gloves
Anti-bacterial cream
Alcohol/peroxide
Cotton balls
band-aids -FULFILLED
Ace bandages 

Coffee
Coffee creamer- powder 
Cinnamon
Chocolate chips
Almonds
Shampoo
Crunchy Peanut Butter- FULFILLED
Nutella- FULFILLED

Beach balls (deflated)
Soccer balls (deflated)
Air pump/needles
Jump ropes
Frisbee

Gently used clothes...tank tops, shorts - FULFILLED
New underwear (this is a huge need!)- boys and girls- FULFILLED
Flip flops- lightweight!

Notebooks
Coloring books
Educational flash cards- FULFILLED

Plastic Easter Eggs (and small items for inside them)
Easter Candy- FULFILLED

WE PASSED!!! ...So, what happens next?

WE PASSED, WE PASSED, WE PASSED!!!!

The words we have been waiting to say for so long. Seriously, I have had multiple dreams and countless mental pictures of what that moment would look like. I often pictured myself being at work and running out to the hallway to do a happy dance and scream! 

Well....right in line with the rest of this journey, my patience was tested. I got the call while at a community meeting at another nearby nonprofit in which I had to present a portion of the agenda. As our agency's number came across my cell screen I glanced at my friend sitting beside me with (somewhat panicky) wide eyes and began the treacherous journey around the entire room, squeezing through chairs and tripping over people's purses and feet. Why did I pick the seat farthest from the door? It took forever and I am quite certain I made a scene. 

Once in the hallway, I finally heard our caseworkers voice: "You aren't going to believe this". And I swear her voice dropped a bit because my heart crashed. [pause] "It went through". 

Me: "What? Are you saying we passed?"

Her: "Yes, you passed!!!"

The tears started coming and my ability to make a sentence started diminishing. On the day we had chosen for his birthday, months ago, he was adopted. I walked into the first random unoccupied office I found and called Chad. Cried some more, wiped my eyes, took a deep breath and pulled myself back together. For 45 minutes, I sat patiently (well....does fidgeting, doodling and taking 2 more phone calls count?) and waited for my part on the agenda. It. Was. Painful. 

Then it happened. The flurry of texts, phone calls, Facebook posts and emails! It was just so beautiful and I have so many pieces recorded for Kwe. Again and again throughout this journey, we have been reminded of just how much love and support we have around us and it was literally a dream come true to celebrate with those who have stuck it out with us. 

We passed and we've been in a cloud since!  Kwe is ours! His birth certificate reads our names. We get to make the decisions now about his care and safety and education. He can't just disappear or be moved or be taken by someone who claims to be mom's uncle's, grandpa's 3rd cousin. Ghana recognizes him as OUR SON. Which also means we can now share his beautiful face without fear!

 Kweku David Rabit Steininger

5 years old

No longer an orphan

:)

So, what happens next?

Hands down. The most frequently asked question these past few days. I love it! :) You all are just like me! Get over one hurdle and you are automatically wondering about and planning for the next one!

Ok, so here we go.

Next we gather all the required documentation to file the USCIS I-600: Petition to Classify an Orphan as an Immediate Relative. Basically this ridiculous stack of paperwork (most of which we have already collected and submitted at some point) is the final trigger for the US Immigration to start their piece in determining if Kwe is a legitimate orphan and safe to immigrate to the US. It is an important step and put in place for lots of reasons, including minimizing child trafficking...which is extremely prevalent. 

One potential hurdle for us is that they wont begin their work until EVERYTHING they want is in hand, including the signed Adoption Decree from court and Kwe's new Birth Certificate listing us as his parents. Apparently, these documents can take months for the Court to send out. BUT, remember, we already booked our trip for mid-March!

And I will not be leaving Ghana until these documents are in my hands. AND IM NOT PLAYING AROUND PEOPLE!!!!  (see post: Angry as Hell)  :|

(insert sweet and innocent face)

Then we wait for approval or a request for additional information. We are told that due to the specific details of Kwe's social history, this process should could move quickly. I.e. 1-2 months. Which is a blink of an eye considering what we have already waited.

Then, sneak peak to the NEXT step, once we get this approval we apply for Kwe's Passport and VISA. THIS IS THE LAST STEP! But it can be a tricky one... more to come on that later.  

My attempts to keep this short and sweet have already failed miserably.

So for now, the celebration continues! We praise God for his faithfulness. He promised He would never leave us AND He promised that He would not leave Kwe as an orphan. And He came through. He always does. 

Cheers!

A Juxtaposition

Juxtaposition: The act of placing side by side for comparison or contrast 

(hold onto this, we'll come back to it)

One of my best friends encouraged me to read the book 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky long before it was popular, years before it became a movie. If you aren't familiar, I would definitely recommend it. It's both beautiful and tragically honest in presenting the challenge of working thru sexual abuse while struggling to find your place in high school...and life in general, really. There are several great quotes but this one has always stood out to me. 

“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.” 

These words resonate with me on so many levels. Especially through the last few months, which in many ways have been the most challenging I've ever been though. 

I've been thinking, while minute after minute rolls by, how it can be possible to feel both irrefutable peace about the future and a panic-inducing confusion in the present? How can you love your life so completely yet sometimes feel so disconnected? How can you experience both child-like excitement and matured anger simultaneously?

Anger and excitement??? My juxtaposition. 

I wasn't really sure what kind of response I would get from my last post. The outpouring of encouragement and support really allowed me to dig deeper into what else I was feeling and experiencing and processing through and I realized there was something else there. 

It took me a minute to grab it, explore it, name it.

It's excitement.

It's there, bubbling up...a cheer forming...a praise about to burst out! God is doing something big here people! And we get to be a part of it! We (and you all) get to see it come together! Some of you are reading this as a direct result of  things 'coming together',  because you didn't know I existed before! 

Tomorrow (Sunday, February 23) we are having our first community prayer gathering for our adoption and you are invited. We will be meeting at Madison Square Church in the Gathering Room at 7:15 pm. 

Matthew 18 says "When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I’ll be there.” 

There will be 5 prayer stations that you can walk through silently or join with others aloud.The themes of these stations intentionally lack detail so that you can pray as you feel led.

• Kwe: his heart, soul, strength and courage
• The court system and our 7th scheduled hearing on February 25
• Our POA and Attorney: that they would experience no barriers, that they represent us well and advocate ferociously
• Against the strongholds in Ghana: that Satan would have no more power, that those who appose adoption would be bound and their corruption would be brought to light
• Our trip in May: that doors would open and we would make progress on our case

 If you cant make it in person, please feel welcome to join us in spirit and use the above themes as a guide. 

Now, you know this wasn't my idea. I couldn't come up with something this beautiful. And even if the idea formed, I would probably be too intimidated to speak it. But that is the beautiful thing about community!!! Its all different people coming together to be just what is needed just when its needed. We are blessed by a supportive and diverse community that is literally holding us up right now. 

Here's the thing: even if we dont pass court next week, Ill still be excited! Ill still be praising God. Because He is at work. He is writing this story. And even if the wait and the barriers and the red tape never 'make sense', and if my patience isn't rewarded in the way I think it should be ...its ok. 

So for me, it can be possible to feel a deep rage against injustice and an overflowing excitement for how God is moving AT THE SAME TIME.  

What is your juxtaposition?