Wanna help? Support Kwe's Orphanage

Last updated 3/7

Many of you have asked how you can help now!

Below is a list of items that have been identified as high needs. Remember, think lightweight and as little packaging as possible!

We need the items by Wednesday, March 12 for our "packing party"- and yes, you are invited! Otherwise we will try to arrange whatever pick-up/drop off is most convenient for you!

Update: Collected items will be split between Royal Seed (the orphanage Kwe is at now) and City of Refuge (where we will be volunteering and exploring as a foster care placement for him!- more details later on this!)

Ziplock bags: all sizes
Children's Tylenol
Children's Ibuprophen
Children & Adult Cough Medicine (day and night)
Chew-able laxatives 
Medical Gloves
Anti-bacterial cream
Alcohol/peroxide
Cotton balls
band-aids -FULFILLED
Ace bandages 

Coffee
Coffee creamer- powder 
Cinnamon
Chocolate chips
Almonds
Shampoo
Crunchy Peanut Butter- FULFILLED
Nutella- FULFILLED

Beach balls (deflated)
Soccer balls (deflated)
Air pump/needles
Jump ropes
Frisbee

Gently used clothes...tank tops, shorts - FULFILLED
New underwear (this is a huge need!)- boys and girls- FULFILLED
Flip flops- lightweight!

Notebooks
Coloring books
Educational flash cards- FULFILLED

Plastic Easter Eggs (and small items for inside them)
Easter Candy- FULFILLED

WE PASSED!!! ...So, what happens next?

WE PASSED, WE PASSED, WE PASSED!!!!

The words we have been waiting to say for so long. Seriously, I have had multiple dreams and countless mental pictures of what that moment would look like. I often pictured myself being at work and running out to the hallway to do a happy dance and scream! 

Well....right in line with the rest of this journey, my patience was tested. I got the call while at a community meeting at another nearby nonprofit in which I had to present a portion of the agenda. As our agency's number came across my cell screen I glanced at my friend sitting beside me with (somewhat panicky) wide eyes and began the treacherous journey around the entire room, squeezing through chairs and tripping over people's purses and feet. Why did I pick the seat farthest from the door? It took forever and I am quite certain I made a scene. 

Once in the hallway, I finally heard our caseworkers voice: "You aren't going to believe this". And I swear her voice dropped a bit because my heart crashed. [pause] "It went through". 

Me: "What? Are you saying we passed?"

Her: "Yes, you passed!!!"

The tears started coming and my ability to make a sentence started diminishing. On the day we had chosen for his birthday, months ago, he was adopted. I walked into the first random unoccupied office I found and called Chad. Cried some more, wiped my eyes, took a deep breath and pulled myself back together. For 45 minutes, I sat patiently (well....does fidgeting, doodling and taking 2 more phone calls count?) and waited for my part on the agenda. It. Was. Painful. 

Then it happened. The flurry of texts, phone calls, Facebook posts and emails! It was just so beautiful and I have so many pieces recorded for Kwe. Again and again throughout this journey, we have been reminded of just how much love and support we have around us and it was literally a dream come true to celebrate with those who have stuck it out with us. 

We passed and we've been in a cloud since!  Kwe is ours! His birth certificate reads our names. We get to make the decisions now about his care and safety and education. He can't just disappear or be moved or be taken by someone who claims to be mom's uncle's, grandpa's 3rd cousin. Ghana recognizes him as OUR SON. Which also means we can now share his beautiful face without fear!

 Kweku David Rabit Steininger

5 years old

No longer an orphan

:)

So, what happens next?

Hands down. The most frequently asked question these past few days. I love it! :) You all are just like me! Get over one hurdle and you are automatically wondering about and planning for the next one!

Ok, so here we go.

Next we gather all the required documentation to file the USCIS I-600: Petition to Classify an Orphan as an Immediate Relative. Basically this ridiculous stack of paperwork (most of which we have already collected and submitted at some point) is the final trigger for the US Immigration to start their piece in determining if Kwe is a legitimate orphan and safe to immigrate to the US. It is an important step and put in place for lots of reasons, including minimizing child trafficking...which is extremely prevalent. 

One potential hurdle for us is that they wont begin their work until EVERYTHING they want is in hand, including the signed Adoption Decree from court and Kwe's new Birth Certificate listing us as his parents. Apparently, these documents can take months for the Court to send out. BUT, remember, we already booked our trip for mid-March!

And I will not be leaving Ghana until these documents are in my hands. AND IM NOT PLAYING AROUND PEOPLE!!!!  (see post: Angry as Hell)  :|

(insert sweet and innocent face)

Then we wait for approval or a request for additional information. We are told that due to the specific details of Kwe's social history, this process should could move quickly. I.e. 1-2 months. Which is a blink of an eye considering what we have already waited.

Then, sneak peak to the NEXT step, once we get this approval we apply for Kwe's Passport and VISA. THIS IS THE LAST STEP! But it can be a tricky one... more to come on that later.  

My attempts to keep this short and sweet have already failed miserably.

So for now, the celebration continues! We praise God for his faithfulness. He promised He would never leave us AND He promised that He would not leave Kwe as an orphan. And He came through. He always does. 

Cheers!

A Juxtaposition

Juxtaposition: The act of placing side by side for comparison or contrast 

(hold onto this, we'll come back to it)

One of my best friends encouraged me to read the book 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky long before it was popular, years before it became a movie. If you aren't familiar, I would definitely recommend it. It's both beautiful and tragically honest in presenting the challenge of working thru sexual abuse while struggling to find your place in high school...and life in general, really. There are several great quotes but this one has always stood out to me. 

“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.” 

These words resonate with me on so many levels. Especially through the last few months, which in many ways have been the most challenging I've ever been though. 

I've been thinking, while minute after minute rolls by, how it can be possible to feel both irrefutable peace about the future and a panic-inducing confusion in the present? How can you love your life so completely yet sometimes feel so disconnected? How can you experience both child-like excitement and matured anger simultaneously?

Anger and excitement??? My juxtaposition. 

I wasn't really sure what kind of response I would get from my last post. The outpouring of encouragement and support really allowed me to dig deeper into what else I was feeling and experiencing and processing through and I realized there was something else there. 

It took me a minute to grab it, explore it, name it.

It's excitement.

It's there, bubbling up...a cheer forming...a praise about to burst out! God is doing something big here people! And we get to be a part of it! We (and you all) get to see it come together! Some of you are reading this as a direct result of  things 'coming together',  because you didn't know I existed before! 

Tomorrow (Sunday, February 23) we are having our first community prayer gathering for our adoption and you are invited. We will be meeting at Madison Square Church in the Gathering Room at 7:15 pm. 

Matthew 18 says "When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I’ll be there.” 

There will be 5 prayer stations that you can walk through silently or join with others aloud.The themes of these stations intentionally lack detail so that you can pray as you feel led.

• Kwe: his heart, soul, strength and courage
• The court system and our 7th scheduled hearing on February 25
• Our POA and Attorney: that they would experience no barriers, that they represent us well and advocate ferociously
• Against the strongholds in Ghana: that Satan would have no more power, that those who appose adoption would be bound and their corruption would be brought to light
• Our trip in May: that doors would open and we would make progress on our case

 If you cant make it in person, please feel welcome to join us in spirit and use the above themes as a guide. 

Now, you know this wasn't my idea. I couldn't come up with something this beautiful. And even if the idea formed, I would probably be too intimidated to speak it. But that is the beautiful thing about community!!! Its all different people coming together to be just what is needed just when its needed. We are blessed by a supportive and diverse community that is literally holding us up right now. 

Here's the thing: even if we dont pass court next week, Ill still be excited! Ill still be praising God. Because He is at work. He is writing this story. And even if the wait and the barriers and the red tape never 'make sense', and if my patience isn't rewarded in the way I think it should be ...its ok. 

So for me, it can be possible to feel a deep rage against injustice and an overflowing excitement for how God is moving AT THE SAME TIME.  

What is your juxtaposition?

Angry as hell

Bare with me on this one... (parents who are reading aloud to your children, be prepared to edit/explain)

I am angry. The most angry I have been in as long as I can remember. It's the kind of anger that burns deep in your stomach. Every muscle tightens. You're on alert. Ready to go.

I woke up this angry on Thursday. It's stuck.

Wednesday night I had a dream. It was about Kwe. We had just brought him home and he was sleeping. He was so exhuasted. He slept all night and all day and all the next night. While the hours slipped by I kept asking Chad to go check on him, every 15 minutes. Make sure he is breathing. Make sure he is ok. I was bursting with excitement for him to wake up so that we could do all the things I had been waiting years to do. When I passed by his room, he was in his bed. But in my dream, I never saw his face. I knew he was there but I couldn't quite get to him. There was some invisible barrier that kept me from swooping him up. This dream repeated itself for what seemed like hours. All night it drug on.

I woke up angry.

I'm still angry.

I'm more than angry.

I'm losing my patience for how long this is taking, because it's in the hands of humans who either benefit from it dragging out, are fearful of pushing too hard, or just meet road block after road block. I'm terrified that he is going to be 10 before I really see him in a bed in our home. I just read the angry rant of another woman who met her children when they were 6 & 7 years old and they will both be 10 soon. She has made as much progress as we have...  And there are so many other families who have been waiting years beyond what our days add up to. They are here, they are in country, they are fighting, crying, screaming out to God for direction and peace and clarity. I cant imagine how they are coping...because I cant even wrap my mind around my own current sanity (emphasis on current).

We found out today that Kwe recently had malaria. He was sick and we werent there. The words were written with an err of normalicy. Just another day in the life of an African, right? No big deal. WELL, ITS A BIG DEAL TO ME! We were told that he is struggling in school and doesn't seem motivated. DUH!!!! Let me write an effing blog post about the top 100 reasons why that might be!!!  It makes me sick that Kwe isnt here. And that we arent there. I could literally vomit thinking about the thousands of other children that dont even have a "here"! Sometimes the weight of what I know and what I have seen runs me over. Like the biggest, scariest, heaviest truck you could ever imagine in your worst nightmare. And I'll never have the freedom to bask in the bliss of ignorance again. Even if I stab my out eyes, I can't make myself be as blinded as before. It makes me want to toss aside everything, every part of my life, to go be there. It keeps me awake at night. It greets me in the morning with a rage that claws for action.

Sometimes I want to scream "shame on you!" to the world, whose silence allows this to happen, who mostly sits back and gawks like it's the latest horror flick. "Now, now...that isn't fair to all the people who are doing lots of good things in the world". You're right. Im sorry. I mean to specifically target those who pat themselves on the back for ____ (fill in the blank) and then two minutes later turn back to their lives of excess and waste.

...Then I realize that the finger points right at my own face too...

Here is the truth. There are millions of children around the world who feel alone. They sit in one system or another. Foster Care in the US, an orphanage in Africa or China or Guatemala. Everything we know tells us that children who grow up in these places, who don't make meaningful relationships and connections with caring adults, who don't have adequate nutrition and health care, typically don't turn into healthy, productive members of society. They land in the justice system, they exhaust themselves battling substance use disorders and mental health issues, and many of them die...far to early.

How is every educated person in the world not in an uproar about this?!?!? We should be demanding answers and action and resolution. We should be going to college to learn how to change this. All the media should be covering how this has directly impacted the US economy and the never-ending war in Syria and the genocide in the Congo and on and on and on!  Every resource should be diverted to resolve this social injustice that destroys us from the inside out!

(catching my breath...that was a lot of exclamation points) Whew!

So yes, I am infuriated that children are exploited and tossed aside and used for political and financial gain. Period. There is no prettier way to say it. 

Im pissed that Kwe isnt here to build a snow man, and he probably wont be here to see it melt or to see the grass start to grow or to watch the dogs chase squirrels in the backyard on the first warm day of spring. 

This isnt fair.

This isnt acceptable.

And I am losing my patience.

The line between respecting cultural norms / "the process" and what is in the best interest of my son is getting VERY blurry.

Mama bear is about to loose her sh**! Play time is over.

Blowin' off the dust

Yikes! This is really getting out of hand!! Two months since the last post?!?! I can hardly believe it.

A lot has happened in the last handful of months, and maybe some day ill type about it all, or maybe you'll have to wait for the book that Chad has insistently reminded me I am meant to write.

How about we start with the adoption updates, since that is why you are really here anyway. :)

Since the last post, we blew through the December court date with a cancelation. 6th hearing was scheduled in late January. We really thought that was going to be the one. Our Power of Attorney had been able to confirm with the Judge who was filling in 2 days a week in our district. Multiple confirmations were made including on the day before our hearing.  Our POA drove the long and bumpy road to pick up Kwe and our attorney made a 2 hour drive to be there. All just to be told that the Judge left to attend a funeral.

~ enter long and dramatic sigh ~

So, our 7th hearing is now scheduled for February 25, which is interestingly enough, the day we chose as his birthday. He will be 5 (ish) and "celebrating" another year with no recognition, no party, no cake and no family.

It's getting harder to be excited about each new hearing. Its much easier to be cynical. I think to myself, "what possible reason will we hear next?"

On a much happier note, we made the tough decision to travel to Ghana in March.  I say it was tough because we had to weigh out the pro's and cons of how it could effect Kwe. He may have forgotten about us by now. Ignorance is bliss, right? We certainly dont want him to begin thinking we are just weird people who pop in and out of his life a couple times a year. With the help of our adoption caseworker we decided that the opportunity to bond, explain and build a connection always trumps the fear of confusion and uncertainty. We will remind him of who we are and what his future holds.

We also made the decision partly on timing. Flights are cheap this time of year because it's their summer (heeeelloooo 90 degrees and sunshine!) and we have been fortunate to make some connections that will keep the rest of the travel costs very low. I also have significant vacation time saved from the last couple years and if I dont use it by the end of September I will lose it.

Lastly, it will have been 8 months since we were there and we miss it. Greatly. We miss Kwe the most and his adorable little face, and his selfless heart and his tiny hands. But there are a lot of other things we miss too: The beautiful, peaceful, welcoming people, and the smell of Ghana (impossible to describe), the food, the history and culture...we just miss it all. We feel it calling to us. Getting louder.

Now that we committed and booked the flight we are beyond excited! I seriously cant wait. I think about it every 10 minutes (or more frequently).  We plan to stay in Accra, the capitol and explore on our own. We are becoming confident travelers and have talked to enough people that we believe we can navigate the city without a guide. We will be mindful of common safety concerns and ever aware of our surroundings but we wont let fear hold us back. Our POA will still assist us in visiting the orphanage and we will probably hire a private driver for a few outings but we are boldly going to the art market and the grocery store and the beach. We want to see some new things!

There is so much to do! Orphanage donations to collect, lodging and travel plans to make, lots of things to wrap up here... Time to get on it!!! Kwe doesnt even know what's about to him!