On expectations and a broken heart

I am not typically good at waiting (is anyone?) especially when it's the kind of waiting that comes with very few details!  I, like most other people,  tend to feel more comfortable when I have some level of control and a pretty solid idea of what to expect.

There is a lot of waiting in the adoption process. When we began this journey we were told to expect it to take 12-18 months and we were good with that. I was ready to practice my waiting!!! :) In addition, we signed up for a pilot program where there were more unknowns than knowns. What a great opportunity to practice being ok with not having all the details too!

We werent financially ready and we knew we had a lot to learn. We even told our caseworker early on that she could prioritize other cases (specifically those of our freinds who are also adopting) because we were sooo not in a hurry. I expected it to be complicated, for there to be many twists and for it to take a long time.

I thought I had healthy expectations.

What I did not expect is this:

I didnt know that I could fall so deeply in love with someone I have never met, never touched, never seen. I had no idea that I could worry so much and care so deeply about a country I have never been to.

I didnt plan on my entire life turning upside down- at least not before Little Guy was even here! It seems like every other day we are talking about how we are standing in awe again.  In any wild hope or dream, we couldn't have put together the collection of people who have come forward to support us. New friendships are abundant and old friendships have become richer than we could have imagined.

I guess that as I have prayed over the years that God would break my heart for the things that break His heart...i could have never expected this...

There are over 50 million orphans in Sub-Sahara Africa. Just sit with that for a minute.

I live in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Grand Rapids is a large city in a larger metropolitan area that is home to just under a million people. So there are over 50 Grand Rapids' in one part of Africa and they are made up completely of orphaned children! Children who dont have access to clean water, children who become modern day slaves, children who are dying of preventable diseases. 

I dont know about you, but that breaks my heart.

These are children created by God, who deserve the same exact love, care and opportunity as the kid who lives next door to me, down the street from me, and (dare I say it?) in your home, dear reader.

And yet again, I am discovering that I am really not that good at waiting...