He's Alive and I'm Forgiven!

"There is nothing to fear here. I know you're looking for Jesus, the One they nailed to the cross. He is not here. He was raised, just as He said. Come and look at the place where he was placed." 

Matthew 28:5-6

It is a beautiful day! Even though it's a bit cloudy and cold here is West Michigan we are reminded of the promise of spring. A fresh start.

 Christ took all of our sin to the cross, even the ones we haven't yet committed or aren't even aware of! All the sin of the past, present and future. How heavy it must have been... His sacrifice ensured that you and I could be covered by grace and be blameless before God.

Even though this is truly a day of joy I find that my heart is still so heavy.

For so many things. For so many people. For those around me who are experiencing unimaginable pain, those who are drifting without purpose, and especially for those who are alone. During this morning's service I found myself thinking about my little one. Wondering if he is alone. Praying that he hasn't given up on crying out because he thinks no one is coming. Hoping that every cell of his little body feels God's presence and protection.  Even though I long for him and pray for his safety constantly, I am comforted knowing that my God loves him even more. He is not my son, he is God's son. And there is no greater love.

So I am both overflowing with joy and ripping apart with pain. How do both exist together?

I guess that is what Christ promises his followers. Not that it would be easy or that we would not feel pain but that knowing the One Truth would give us hope. So that we can know that this world is only the beginning and that there is so much more to come. All the while, we are to engage in the brokenness, and live where injustice and darkness are bountiful.

I hold on to that hope. My joy is renewed with every reminder that the stone has been rolled away and the tomb is empty.

I know that my Redeemer lives!!!

The Great Wait Debate

I decided earlier today that I wanted to blog tonight. Then I got home, ate dinner, did the dishes and got tired. I have been battling a cold for what seems like eternity and I just didn't feel inspired. I didn't feel like writing.

So I read. A good friend recently gave me a copy of "Draw the Circle: The 40 Day Prayer Challenge"(Mark Batterson). I am a sucker for two things: a challenge and a good cause. The title of this book seemed to throw a little bit of both at me. The challenge for today was "Don't Pray Away". The quick and dirty is that we too often pray 'get me out' prayers, asking for our circumstances to change when sometimes we should be praying 'get me through' prayers and asking for change within ourselves. Hmmm. Surprisingly, this parallels something else that has been on my mind the last few days. Something that I have equally little discernment in.

How do you know when you are supposed to take a step in faith and 

when you are supposed to wait for God to make the way clear? 

I am afraid that too many people wait for too long for far too many things. If only 8% of the world's "Christians" adopted an orphan, the orphan crisis would be over...that statistic alone proves that we wait, process, doubt and over analyze ourselves to death. Literally. Sometimes I wonder if God is ever 'up there' screaming at us to JUST DO SOMETHING!!! I agree with Mr. Batterson that trying and missing is better than never trying at all.

On the other hand, my wonderful husband recently reminded me of the story of Abraham and Sarah and how they wanted a child so badly for soooo long that they took matters into their own hands by having Sarah's maid be the one to get pregnant. They veered off the path a bit and God still kept His promise and Sarah had a baby...it just came a little later and under slightly different circumstances. Then there are the infamous Israelites who wondered around in the dessert aimlessly for 40 years. Each time their faith got rattled they too took matters into their own hands and so they got to wonder around some more. I (like Batterson) don't want my shortsighted-ness to short-curciut God's perfect plan.

So this is the dilemma. All the waiting families were invited to a conference call on Tuesday with the staff who have just returned from an extended trip in Ghana. Overall, the message was positive. They made some new relationships with orphanage directors and strengthened old ones.  At the same time, there was a very clear message that things aren't progressing as quickly as they had hoped, the understanding and support of international adoption isn't as developed as they would like and the children who are currently waiting (that their single staff person in Ghana is aware of) are older or have special needs. This was all to emphasize their point that this is still going to be a long process...

So what does that mean for us? It could be days, it could be months before we get that phone call? Do we sit back and wait patiently, trusting that God's timing is always better than ours? OR do we step out in faith even further and employ some of our newly developed connections (that God gave us for a reason) to search for a waiting child on our own. Is God wanting to grow us by waiting or has His leading been clear enough? Either way I can be at peace. I just want to know.

I just don't know if my heart can break much more for the lonely little boy who is out there waiting for someone to come to him. Waiting for us.