Last Monday, the first day of week 3, started with promise. I was feelin' good! Got to work early thinking I would have a couple hours uninterrupted to get some serious work down. BUT, upon my arrival there was a meeting already waiting at my door.
More budget cuts. Significant ones. The kind that potentially force you to lay off really amazing people. The kind that make you wonder about the security of your own job...
It was pretty much a downward spiral from there. Late nights (cough...cough - later mornings), less healthy eating, no time to run...feeling defeated.
It's funny how quickly 'failure' invites itself into your home and life. You hear the knock and crack open the front door. Your head sticks out and you look around for who it might be, but you don't even notice the little creeper sneaking in around your feet. Jerk.
Yesterday, I was feeling especially gross. My stomach hurt, I felt disconnected and distant from everyone, nothing was going particularly awesome.
So, I recommitted.
But I needed to make a few adjustments to my original plan. Specifically, I am now getting up at 6 instead of 5. It took me a few weeks to convince myself that this wasn't failure or laziness but that my reasoning was sound. Getting up at 5 required me to go to bed between 9:30 and 10. Many nights, Chad would have just gotten home an hour before that so we were consistently having less time just to catch up on life. Not healthy for our relationship. I felt less safe running at 5 as there is literally no one up and about yet. 6 is so much different! Restaurants are opening, lots of people are driving around and I can catch a buzz from the blossoming city energy. That extra hour of sleep minimizes my 'crash' in the afternoon and allows my brain to function from the hours of 7-9pm.
6am is better for my lifestyle, my marriage and my mental health.
I listen to NPR or TEDtalks podcasts while I run in an effort to learn some new nugget each day. This morning I heard a social researcher tell me that "blame is a way of discharging pain and discomfort". That really struck me. Especially because self blame and judgment come so easily for me and usually result in even higher standards for myself.
So today I commit to just being. Being where I am- which not only means fully accepting the tweaks above but also in what God is doing in other areas of my life. This experiment has reminded me that I can't get so caught up in waiting for Kwe, wishing he was here, and being excited for our future family that I miss out on the work that God has for me today.
"Only I [God] know what will happen to you this day. I have arranged the events you will encounter as you go along your way." - Jesus Calling
"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10
No comments:
Post a Comment