One EPIC yard sale!!!

So many of you have been asking "how did the sale go"? It's finally time for the big announcement....drum role please....

-After weeks of collecting your unwanted items- THANK YOU to all our amazing friends who cleaned out their closets (and encouraged others in their lives to do the same, some of you encouraging your families to clean out their entire house!)...
-After a week of Craig's List postings, passing along the Facebook event to everyone you ever met and a few of you even risking your jobs to print off signs and banners for the sale (sight dramatization)...
-After a VERY early set up morning that YOU showed up for (its scary to know that you can actually function that early in the morning, isnt it?)...
-After 2 long days of carrying boxes outside, explaining snippets of our story to strangers, moving heavy furniture and packing up the leftovers in the rain...
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... how many periods do you think I can put in one post?...oh, sorry, back to the point... more drum role please...
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You helped us raise over $2200 in 2 days!!! ...huge drum solo finish!

But seriously, we were emotional as we counted it all up. It was incredibly humbling to be reminded in such a clear way that God is with us. Especially for me, who constantly thinks about the how's and when's - I, immaturely, needed that reassurance....again. We truly received so much more than the money though. If I could give a shout out to every person who helped us in every way, I would (is there a character limit on this thing?). Some of you got up early- on a work day, some of you drove from far away, some of you donated items you could have sold, some of you committed to the long day, even though you felt old (see what I did there?).  :)

But you know who you are and we rest assured that God knows who you are, and we are thrilled that one little guy who may be sitting in his crib somewhere in Ghana right now, waiting, will know who you are too.

Ok, now I'm getting emotional again. Whew...

We met so many of our neighbors and we talked to countless people about their own stories of adoption. I have never felt so empowered and supported by so many complete strangers. This truly was an amazing experience in so many ways. Below are a few pics of all the fun we had!

So what now?! Yesterday we received the final, notarized copy of our home study. Chad directly went from picking it up at our agency to the UPS store to overnight our USCIS packet. This included our Petition for an Orphan Visa which gets the ball rolling for "little guy" to both enter the country and become an American citizen. As we wait for approval and an invitation to be fingerprinted, we are wrapping up all the documents for our dossier. We should have everything within the next week or so, and once approved by our agency this LARGE packet of documents will make its way to Ghana. At which point we wait for a referral.

Timeline Update: If things continue to move at the rate they are currently, we could make our first trip to Ghana before December and potentially have him by the end of the year!!! WHAT?!?!?!

Thanks again to all of you who are praying for this process to be go smoothly and for "little guy's" safety while he waits for us. Please keep them coming!

 Folding endless amounts of clothes

 The Aunties modeling some of our finer items :)

The "Chad's"

Bird's eye view

Getting to know our future "Little Guy": Part 1

I have found it both inspiring and humbling to wake up to such a beautifully simple landscape. Chad and I are currently on vacation with his family in the Smokey Mountains of Gatlinburg, Tennesee.

Since I do not posses the ability to "just doing nothing", I am using some of my time to wrap up the 1st round of pre-adoption education requirements (something that is still relaxing and enjoyable!). We are learning some very eye-opening things that may be true for our waiting little guy (some inspiring and some terrifyingly daunting).  Here are some of the recent things we have been discussing:

• Our Little Guy could be "behind" developmentally for a variety of reasons:
• The majority of brain development occurs during the first few years of life, Including senses, ability to recognize faces, emotion regulation and trust for environment/caregivers. 
• Like a muscle, the brain operates on a 'use it or lose it' principle. The more stimulation the brain receives in the first 6 months the more connections and networks are formed. 
• 50% of brain cells wither or die within the first few years of life which is critical to brain organization and by 18 months the foundations for emotional intelligence have been laid.
• Experiencing trauma (abuse, neglect, malnutrition), loss/grief from early separation with biological parent/caregivers,  and being exposed to extreme stress can all effect how the brain forms (with a stronger than normal fight-or-flight crisis response).

• The first year home will be critical for us in helping him to develop connection with us as his parents. He will have to learn that we are not simply another set of short-term caregivers. He may have to relearn how to express his needs to us and that he should come to us first to get those needs met and ultimately that we wont abandon him. Some strategies we will use to speed up the connection process are:
• We will be the only ones to provide his basic needs for the first 6-12 months (diaper changes, baths, feeding) so please dont be offended when we dont beg you to change his poopy diaper! 
• During this time we will be trying very hard to minimize how much he is in the primary care of others (with a babysitter/friend). We are blessed that Chad both has the career flexibility and desire to be the primary stay at home parent at first. While I will transition back to full time after the first month off we will be coordinating our schedules so that one of us is always (hopefully) able to be with him.
• We will play games that encourage eye contact and touch, we will read him children's books about what a family is and how some families are different and we will talk openly about the roles/expectations for each family member and how those might be different than what he has already experienced. 

• As we develop our "parenting style" we will have to keep many unique facts in mind. Common isolation-based discipline methods, like time-outs and removal from environment,  may induce traumatic memories/feelings instead of corrective responses. 

• We will be very open with him about adoption and what we know about his past. The approach on this has shifted 180 degrees in the last few decades. It was once believed that keeping adoption a secret was best for the child and that bringing it up would only cause confusion and doubt. Now it is believed that being open and honest (in an age-appropriate way) is best and that children should know their history and culture. We want to respect and honor who he is and where he came from and help him to exercise his rights to be the keeper of that information and share it as he feels comfortable in doing. 

Stay tuned for more in this series!

Evolution

There are lots of changes in our lives right now...not like the "let's paint the walls" change, or the "maybe we should try a new restaurant tonight" change but the kind that force you to reconsider your view of the world as you know it. Here are just 3:

1. There has been a shift in how we see the future playing out. We are becoming more aware of the fact that it might be something we didn't plan for, couldn't have made happen on our own, and might make us a little uncomfortable.

"The more comfortable we are with mystery in our journey, the more rest we will know along the way" - John Eldredge

For example, Chad has been talking about going back to school off and on for a few years now. Over the last several months he has developed this passion for reading (which was never a strong skill of his) and has plowed through several books (including the entire Bible!). That has brought him (us) to prayerfully considering seminary or a masters degree in ministry. In addition, he just applied for an amazing position at YoungLife (in Wedgwood) where he has been volunteering for the last few years. This position is truly where his passion is and would allow him to continue to work with kids who have experienced a lot of pain and loss in their lives but with a ministry focus. It is part-time (which is SCARY) but it would allow him to take classes and be at home with our future child. (note: if you haven't picked up the anxiety in my voice here is your hint and plea for prayer!)

2. We are learning to accept that relationships change...and not always in the direction we want them to. I (Shandra) tend to get pretty attached to people. When I truly get close to someone I care about them passionately and I can become somewhat protective. Ill do just about anything for someone I love, even if the personal sacrifice is great. This is one of the most beautiful things I learned from Audrey. Before her, no one had ever called me just because they were thinking about me and wanted to see how my day was going. She truly defined friendship and I never questioned what I meant to her. In the fullness that I step into friendships/relationships I also expect a lot back although I don't think its unreasonable (of course!). It's things like respect (dont talk about me behind my back, dont screw me over), that I can count on you in a time of need, that you have my back and that you want to spend time together (one of my primary love languages).

The devastating truth is that relationships aren't like a ferris wheel they're more like a roller coaster and sometimes when the ride ends, and its been a long day, one of you just aren't ready to jump back in line...no matter how much the other may want it. 

3. Lastly, its a maturing of faith. An evolution of beliefs. From life being random but connected events that God cares about to understanding that there is a plan that is bigger than we can fathom. Seeing the bits of truth in the phrase "everything happens for a reason" and embracing the anticipation for how God might just catch us off guard. 

For example, an old friend from Calvin that I havent talked to in nearly 3 years has became an amazing supporter of our adoption, connecting us to some great resources and providing unique fundraising ideas (stay tuned for the coolest hats you have ever seen!). Her own experience working in an orphanage in Africa has already played a role in our journey. We are continuously amazed by the people who have expressed their desire to support us: friends of friends donating items to our yard sale, being invited into an elite adoption support group :) and the numerous gifts we have received: from the check that came in the mail a few days ago (you know who you are but you will never know how much that meant) to the bin of childhood toys, 20-some years old that are full of meaning. I have been brought to tears more times in the last month than i usually am in a year!

Little Guy's very first toy! From one of the staff I supervise who also has a heart for orphans. (P.S. "Little Guy" is the official nickname)

My intent on this being a short and sweet post was once again a complete fail. Oh well, maybe next time ;)

Step 2: an Update and an Invitation

Hokay so, one major step has been completed! We have submitted our formal adoption application for Ghana along with our Phase 1 payment. We received a call from our assigned case manager the very next morning after submitting everything online. Side note, we are super impressed already by the professionalism, respect and timeliness of this organization. On to Phase 2 (p.s. there are only 3!). 

What is Phase 2?

We have our first of 4 sessions with our social worker scheduled for this coming week. These sessions will include couple and individual interviews and a thorough background/financial/support system investigation that will conclude with a home visit to inspect our house. During this process we will need to complete several educational components on things like the effects of trauma and malnutrition on development, cultural awareness and different ways to build a health connection/bond and sense of identity within our child. We will also begin preparing our Dossier (da-see-ay, it took us a while to get it right) which will include all the paperwork both governments will need to approve the legal adoption and authorize the citizenship and immigration for our child. 

How can you be involved?

With Phase 2 comes another large payment ($4175) due in October. If you would like to partner with us to reach this goal, here are a few potential ideas:

•  Help with our fundraiser: a yard sale the weekend of September 7 and 8. This idea is completely stolen (thanks Tanya!) and is simple, inclusive and brilliant! You can help by donating any unwanted items you have laying around. We are collecting items now and will store them until the big weekend. Let either of us know if you have donations and we can pick them up or coordinate a time for you to drop them off! 
• Do you have a creative idea for a fundraiser? Please share! We would love to hear it!
• Make a contribution directly to our adoption fund!
• Continue to pray with us and for the safety of our future little guy.

We have experienced an increasingly strong sense of peace, knowing that God will provide.  His word is full of his promises to orphans and we are so excited to see how He works throughout this process...in ways that we cannot yet imagine.

What's in a name?

Those of you who know us well wont be surprised to learn that our blog name was chosen only after much debate and careful consideration. In fact, we analyzed the possibilities for days, the “Create Your Own Blog” page up on our computer with only that last field yet to fill. How do you begin to reflect two individual life perspectives and a united future dream into a few simple words? How do you represent the juxtaposition (Yay! I have always wanted to use that word!) between an active search for clarity and purpose with the promise of grace and completeness that is already firmly in place?  

One of my greatest fears is that one day I will look back and struggle to name what I have contributed and accomplished. That fear is coupled with my personal skepticism of regret. Certainly self-reflection and experiencing the consequences of poor decisions are critical in developing maturity but I believe that the positive benefits stop there.  Once we cross the line into regret: wishing something to be different, we cheat ourselves from growth and deny our own self-value.  We cannot forget that the worst choices and the most painful experiences have contributed just as much to who we are at the core as all of our favorite ones have. All of these things have made me who I am, in this moment, so I choose to live with No Regret. Those two words, simple yet complex, will be my first tattoo if I can just commit to getting one. 

Ok, so now that we have my perspective well covered, on to Chad’s. His may be more well known, partly because he has fewer commitment issues and has it tattooed boldly on his leg: Live Life to the Fullest. This isn’t just a popular catch phrase to him, but truly the way he strives to live each day. Chad thrives in spontaneity and refuses to accept dormancy as an option. To him, every moment is something you cant get back once you have spent it, so buyer beware!

So these two life perspectives, with their similarities and differences, crash into the truth of grace and the promise that everything we need in life has already been made available to us. Pursing something that is already there…get it?  Believe me, its deeper than just chasing your tail!


Shandra

It is that time!!!

We are starting our family

through adoption!!!

Its true. Its finally happening! We have begun working with a local adoption agency and have applied to a brand new program in Ghana, Africa. This letter, along with the blog referenced below, is our way of informing and inviting all of you- the people who have supported us and cared about us- to be involved.

Why Now? We feel it is time to start a new chapter in our life. We have come to realize that Jesus doesn’t ask us to wait for perfect timing…it never comes. While recently reading the powerful book, Red Letters, we came across this quote by Richard Rohr: “I would say that if you only think about Jesus, “believe” Jesus and believe things about Jesus, not much new is gong to happen. It is the risk of “acting” like Jesus acted that reconfigures your soul. We are converted by new circumstances much more than by new ideas. Or as I like to say, we do not think ourselves into new ways of living, we live ourselves into new ways of thinking.” We have been talking about adoption for years and finally decided its time to step out in faith.

Why Adoption? In the work we both do, we see hurting kids every day of our lives.  It has furthered in us a deeper calling to care for children who are neglected, abandoned, and abused…a calling that goes beyond careers. We can no longer ignore the unimaginable suffering that is all around us- it’s just too easy to see. We hear God calling us to reexamine our lives and rethink everything.

The Old Testament contains more than 40 references in 12 different books to God’s care and concern for orphans- “the least of these”. Jesus carries this theme into the New Testament in Matthew 25:31-46 and it’s found again in James 1:26-27. We felt God speak directly to us through these verses, diminishing our doubts about how to move forward.

Why Africa? We prayed and thought a lot about the great debate between domestic and international and originally felt strongly about adopting locally. When we saw the statistics and heard stories from around the world the answer became clear. The international need is so overwhelming and the circumstances so catastrophic that our hearts just broke for Africa. 

Africa has been described as a dying country being ravaged by greed, genocide and HIV/AIDS. Girls as young as 8 years old are left to be the head of their household, often having no other choice but to sell their bodies to feed their siblings. Thousands of people are dying every single day…but its not hopeless. We have the opportunity to change the course of one child’s future.

We Need Your Support!

Would you please pray for us as we begin this next chapter of our lives? Please pray for the safety of our baby, whether he (yep, it’s a boy!) has not yet been born or is already living in an orphanage. Please pray that our faith and our patience stay strong.

You can also support us financially if you feel so led. While we continue to strive towards our goal of being debt-free, we have committed to paying cash for our adoption...and it will not be easy. There will be several ways opportunities to contribute over the next year and a half.

It seems appropriate to quote the African proverb “it takes a village to raise a child.” Our need for your continued prayer and support will not end when the adoption is final.

If you have questions, thoughts or suggestions please do not hesitate to talk to us. We are excited about learning a new process and a new culture and we want to share it with all with you. We have created a blog to document this journey and keep you informed. 

With love,

Chad and Shandra

Hello friends!

This marks the beginning of a new chapter of our lives! We hope this blog tells the story of the different pieces of our world through both of our view points. We will both be posting (hopefully somewhat regularly) on a variety of topics: the good, the bad and everything in between! 


Enjoy!